Southern Comfort
by IDreamofHouse
Summary: The hospital is hosting an important event.  Will House be House and screw things up?  Or will everything go smoothly as planned?  This story takes place before season five and is rated M for language, suggestive dialogue and sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

Mr. Simon Morris, a stout, balding fifty-five year old man, was waiting in examination room two to be seen by one of the finest doctors at the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital free clinic. He looked at his wristwatch. Twenty-five minutes had passed since he was admitted into the room. He rummaged through an outdated copy of Redbook discarded by a previous patient and peered down at his watch again. Finally a small-framed, slender woman with cascading brown hair entered the room.

"Hi. I'm Dr. Cuddy. Thank you for waiting patiently. We've been a little behind…"

Dr. Gregory House abruptly swung the door open and walked in. "A little behind?" His eyes leered at Cuddy's backside. "I wouldn't call that a little behind. Your caboose is the most humongous among us. "

"House, what do you want?" She didn't look at him.

"Didn't you ask for a consult?"

Cuddy whipped her head in House's direction and then back around to the patient, "will you excuse me for a minute?" The patient nodded his head while she approached House near the entrance of the exam room. He was wearing—of all things—a pressed white lab coat and a smug smile on his face. She was not up for his antics today. Cuddy firmly grabbed his left arm and pulled him to the corner of the room. "You're late, House. I've already seen three of your patients."

"And I've already seen a bunch of idiots today. One more isn't going to do him, " he tactlessly pointed to the patient, "or me any good. Besides, I've already done my clinic hours for the week. "

"Yes, but you're scheduled to do clinic for another hour today because you still owe me like an extra one hundred hours for breaking the MRI machine last week."

"One hundred hours? You said fifty."

"Did I? I meant one hundred."

"You know, that wasn't entirely my fault. At least you can schedule my team to do some of it. "

Cuddy tightened her grip on his arm. "I think that's a fairly good exchange considering I have to find somewhere in the budget to replace a two million dollar piece of vital medical equipment, don't you think? "

"I can think of more interesting, fun ways I can make it up to you."

Cuddy dug her nails into House's forearm. Her face was flushed. "I'm sure you can, but the answer is no. And you—and only you—are stuck doing clinic. I don't want to see Chase, Foreman, Taub or 13 around here doing your job."

House smirked. "You know, you're real sexy when you're angry like this. It's kind of turning me on."

"House, anything with a pulse turns you on."

He glanced sideways at the patient. "Not everything."

Cuddy turned her attention to the patient again and sat back down on the stool next to him. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Morris. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, lately I have been having trouble sleeping. I'm constantly tossing and turning in bed." He flashed his yellow teeth then fiddled with the last button of his green and blue flannel shirt. "My wife has literally banished me to the Barcalounger in living room for the past few nights and demanded I go see a doctor."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Are there any other problems?"

Housed chimed in, "with the wife or in the bedroom?"

"House!"

"What? It could be relevant?"

Cuddy continued to question the patient. "Are you experiencing any other symptoms?"

"Yes. Actually, I've been feeling some numbness in my feet. I'm also having awful headaches and sometimes I feel a bit of tightness in my chest."

Cuddy made a few notations in his file then asked, "When did you first notice this?"

The patient pondered the question for a moment. "Shortly, after I tried to quit smoking about a week ago. Right about the same time I joined the fitness club."

Cuddy glanced at his chart. "It says here that you're on the Nicotine patch. Do you wear the patch when you work out?"

"Yes."

Cuddy remained looking over his chart. "Well, all that exercise can increase your skin temperature and increase the amount of nicotine absorbed through your skin."

House lifted the patient's shirt open with the tip of his cane and exposed his chest. "Or it could be the fact that he's wearing one, two, three…forty-two or so nicotine patches."

Completely dumfounded, the patient asked, "Aren't I supposed to put a new one on every eight hours?"

House bit his lip trying to stifle his laughter. "Excuse me, I have to…" He left the room and snickered before the door closed behind him.

Cuddy poked her head through the door with a stern look upon her face. "I want to see your ass in my office in ten minutes."

House looked at Nurse Brenda who was standing near the Nursing Station sifting through a stack of files. He snorted and twirled his cane. "Hey, who doesn't?"


	2. Chapter 2

Before entering Cuddy's office, House peered over his shoulder to make sure no one was following him. As soon as he walked into her office he gently closed the door and drew the blinds shut.

He sat down behind her desk and scanned the surface. It was neat—too neat. He opened the middle top drawer and began rummaging through it. He found exactly what he was looking for, a roll of scotch tape and tore a small piece off. Then he placed said tape over the computer mouse's laser tracker.

Suddenly, the door handle jerked and the door flew open. House jumped and accidently banged his left knee under the desk. "Ouch! Haven't you heard of knocking?"

"House, this is _my _office. What are you doing?" Cuddy stood in front of the door irritated with her arms folded. He was caught red-handed.

"You told me to wait in here for you. I didn't think you'd be back so soon. And for the record I was…I was just looking for some more nicotine patches for Mr. Moron."

"Mr. Morris."

"Well, I guess you don't have any in here." He closed the drawer. "A couple more of those babies and he can fashion himself a nice—pardon the pun—patchwork sweater."

"House! You know I don't smoke."

He stared at her ass. "I beg to differ." Cuddy pushed him out of her leather office chair and rolled her eyes. "What?" he asked innocently.

Silence.

"Okay. I admit I acted a little unprofessional in there. But the guy had it coming to him. I mean, it clearly states that you are only to wear one at a time. Honestly, how can you not laugh at his stupidity? Darwin probably would have."

She took in a deep breath but still remained silent. And the silence was killing him.

"I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry." He stretched out the last syllable. "But the guy was a total moron. Can I go now?"

"No."

"What do you mean, no?"

"I mean that I called you in my office to ask you about what you plan on wearing to the reception tonight? You better show up in something nice and wrinkle-free. It's a formal event."

"_No_, you mean you called me in your office to ask me about what I plan to wear_ if_ I were going to the reception tonight—which I'm not by the way."

"House this is not negotiable. All department heads need to be there. That includes _you_. The Kobayashi Family has kindly donated a lot of money to help expand the Cardiology Wing in the Pediatrics ward. They will personally be there to hand over the eight million dollar check."

"Eight million dollar check? Couldn't you use that toward the new MRI machine so I wouldn't have to do those fifty…"

"One hundred. Now two hundred."

"…clinic hours. Seriously, I'm not going. I would rather poke…"

"House!"

"Relax, I wasn't talking about _you._ Really Cuddy? Is that, all you think about? Jumping my bones? Because sex with you, would be cruel and usual punishment and I'm not…"

Cuddy quickly retorted, "A man?"

House coughed. "I was going to say 'that desperate'. Anyway, as I was saying, I would rather poke an assortment of metal objects into a light socket than go."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and shook her head.

House stood his ground. "What?" And then he remembered the electrocution incident a year ago with a patient's knife. "Oh, right! I guess I already did that, huh?"

Cuddy sighed. "House this is very important to the hospital and near and dear to the Kobayashi's. Your presence at the reception is very necessary. Their daughter, Alexa, was diagnosed with Kawasaki Disease last year. She had seen several doctors and specialists at four different hospitals for the first three years of her life. And because of that her case was diagnosed late."

"What a bunch of idiots?"

"That's exactly what you said when you solved her case last year. "

His widened. "I did?"

"Yes. And that's why _you_ really need to be there."

"Please tell me there'll be music and an open bar."

"Yes. Following the presentation we'll dine and dance."

His eyebrows shot up. "_We'll_?"

"Well, yes. _We'll_ dine and dance. I'm assuming you'll be dancing with _your _date and I'll be dancing with _mine_."

House snorted while grinning ear to ear. "You've got a date? Where'd you find this one? E-Fetish Dating dot com?"

Cuddy took a few steps and leaned in a bit closer to him. "And let me guess. You'll be bringing or rather_ paying_ for your date the entire evening?" She stepped back and lowered her voice. "House, please I don't want you to embarrass or cause any trouble for the hospital. No hookers."

House pointed a finger at her. "HA! You deflected, which means your trying to hide the fact that you really are a member of E-Fetish dot com."

"House, I mean it."

"Sure. " He waited a beat. "You have my word. You can count on me."

"Thanks."

He stepped out of her office and quietly closed the door before looking back at her once more with a weak smile. "You can count on me to screw with you," he muttered under his breath.

Cuddy sat behind her computer to check her email. She moved the mouse back and forth but her cursor failed to move on the screen. She knitted her brows after double-checking the cable connections. She was perplexed until her index finger rubbed slightly against the underside of the mouse. "What the hell?" It was a sticky. She flipped it over and discovered the piece of tape. She bellowed, "House!"

House waited outside her door well within earshot. With a satisfied grin he limped to the elevator with a near bounce in his step.


	3. Chapter 3

House jiggled the knob on Wilson's office door. It was locked. He then proceeded to pound on the door with his cane. "I know that you're in there."

A muffled, "I'm busy," managed to pass beyond the other side of the door.

House continued to strike his cane harder. "I can do this all night. It's very annoying, isn't it?"

Wilson gave up and unlocked the door. "No, you're the one who's annoying—the cane rapping, not so much." He walked back to his desk and continued looking over a few files while House made his way to the couch.

He sat with his legs apart, hands clasped in his lap, staring up at the ceiling. "So…who are you bringing tonight?"

"To what?"

"To the reception."

"What reception?"

"The one tonight."

"Huh?" Wilson stuck his case files in his desk drawer and thought for a moment. "Oh. Right, right. Yeah, I'm not going."

"What do you mean you're not going? It's mandatory that all department heads and Board members be present."

"I know, but tonight so happens to be the finale of _Dancing with the Stars_ and I'm not missing it. My money is on Gary Busey for the win. He's got charisma and last week nobody could touch his rumba," he said matter-of-factly.

House shrugged his shoulders. "Seriously?"

"Yes."

"No! That's too gay even for you."

"It's true." House threw his arms up in the air as Wilson tried to keep a straight face, but failed miserably. "You're an idiot. Of course, I'm joking. Come on, _Dancing with the Stars_?" He couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"I knew you were bullshitting me."

"Right." Wilson wasn't buying it. "Anyway, Cuddy excused me for tonight's event. As a matter of fact, she insisted I take the rest of the day off too."

"Typical. She's obviously trying to get back at me for the MRI machine mishap."

"That was you!"

"No. Not really. I put Foreman and Chase in charge for a few hours. So, technically I wasn't there to babysit them."

"Where were you?"

"Watching _Prescription Passion_ on my iPhone in a place I knew where Cuddy couldn't find me—the janitor's closet. It was a great episode too. Brock Sterling just found out that his on and off again lover, Fiona, is really his long-lost twin sister and mother of his three children."

"I swear you're the _only_ man I know that watches soap operas. I guess in the closet sounds like an appropriate place for _you _to hide," he coughed, "you know, to watch your stories and stuff."

"Okay. Whatever. Shut up." He rubbed his left leg. "So, how did you get out of this reception thing anyway? "

"A couple of Board members and I volunteered to help plan the grand opening ribbon cutting ceremony for the new Pediatric wing which is scheduled for tomorrow morning. We have to have everything set up by seven a.m. sharp." He started beaming. "I can't wait to see all the kids' faces light up when we unveil this new hospital setting. And we've got a lot of fun and activities planned for the day. There's going to be balloons, music, coloring, face painting and treats. It's going to be quite a spectacle. The Peds staff and volunteers are going to dress up in fun costumes. I'm actually about to head out to the costume shop, so if you wouldn't mind…"

House interrupted him with deadpan delivery. "I've got a bunny costume in the trunk of my car."

"Okay. That's a little weird. _Why_? Seriously, why?"

"Look, do you want to borrow it or not?"

"Sure. But, I'm going to revisit that question with you some time in the future and you better have an explanation for me later."

House tried to change the subject. He cleared his throat and tried to act nonchalant. "By the way, do you know who Cuddy is taking to the reception?"

"What do you mean?"

"She's bringing a date." _God, Wilson could sometimes be so dense_.

"Yeah, I know what that means. But, what does that have anything to do?"

House became defensive. "Nothing."

"You're not going to try and sabotage her date?"

"No. I just thought since you're such a gossip that you'd know. That's all."

"Sorry, I don't."

"Well, find out."

"Right. I'll be sure to ask Madame Rosario about Cuddy's date when I have my weekly Tarot card reading and astrology session at five o'clock today."

"Really?"

"We're not doing this again, are we? No. Not really."

"I guess I'll never find out because I'm not going."

"House, you're going."

"No, I'm not. I hate these types of things. I'm not good with people."

"Just show up for a couple of hours. All you have to do is make an appearance, shake Mr. Kobayashi's hand and then you can be on your way home. It's that easy."

"Maybe for you, " he grumbled while swallowing two Vicodin pills. "If you want, I could leave the costume in my office tonight for you. That way, I could save you some embarrassment lugging it around the hospital."

"Gee, thanks."


	4. Chapter 4

House picked up a black dry erase marker and scrawled a list of symptoms on the white board in the DDX room. Shortly thereafter, Foreman, Chase, Thirteen and Taub joined him and sat around the conference table.

"It's about time you guys got here."

"House, you paged us less than two minutes ago. What's so urgent? Do we have another case?" Thirteen picked up a file from a small stack in the middle of the table and accidently dropped it on the floor. When she went to retrieve it and its contents, she discovered it was empty.

"What causes syncope, dry mouth, increased heart palpitations, nausea, tinnitus and diaphoresis?"

Chase hazarded a guess. "Hyperthyroidism?"

"Could be an upper GI disorder," Taub suggested. "We should do an ultrasound and CT to rule that out."

"That wouldn't explain the tinnitus," remarked Foreman.

Thirteen grabbed another file from the pile and then another. "House these are all empty. What's the deal? Do we have a case or what?"

"We don't. I just what Cuddy to think we do so I don't have to go to that stupid reception tonight."

Without a care, Thirteen replied, "Wow. That's pretty lame even for you, House."

Before House could respond, he saw Cuddy in the corner of his eye making her way down the corridor to the DDX room. "Ahem, as I was saying," he turned to face the whiteboard, "what causes syncope, dry mouth…"

Cuddy opened the glass door and immediately addressed House. "Can I see you for a moment? Alone in your office?"

Housed looked at his team. "We'll touch base later. Go run the tests. Class dismissed." The team looked at each other. "Well? Go on, go on." House practically shooed them out.

Confused, the team left the conference room while House walked back to his office with Cuddy following closely behind. "Nice try. I know you don't have a case."

"Oh, but I do."

"A case of idiocy, maybe."

He stood behind his desk. "So, what did I do now? And are you going to threaten me with more clinic duty or something else stupid?"

Cuddy stood dead in her tracks. She didn't hear a single word out of House's mouth because she was momentarily distracted by the fact that an oversized bunny head with gray matted fur rested on the top of his desk. "What's that?" She pointed to it.

"What does it look like? It's a bunny head from a bunny suit. " Cuddy's eyes grew larger. "_What_? What's with the look? It's for Wilson. He's going to wear it tomorrow at the Grand Opening for the expansion of the southern wing in Peds. I'm going to let him borrow it for the event. Apparently everyone is dressing up in costume, I guess."

Cuddy sighed relief. "Good."

"Wait. You thought I was going to wear this to the reception tonight?"

"No." She didn't sound convincing at all and knew House could see through her lie too. And he wasn't going to let her get off that easy.

"Oh. My. God. Yes, you did!" He was amused, grinning ear to ear.

She placed her hands on her hips. "Well, that totally sounds like something you would do."

He cleared his throat. "Cuddy, you know I'd only go to great lengths to embarrass _you_, not _me_. After all, I do have a reputation to uphold."

She cocked her head to the side and raised her brows in disbelief.

"I know it sounds so funny that when I say it I don't even believe it myself. " He tried to reassure her one last time. "_I'll_ be there in my penguin suit."

Cuddy corrected him. "You mean your tuxedo."

"Yeah. Like I said, my penguin suit." He looked down at his watch. "Is it alright if I bail out early? I got to make myself look nice for this evening. "

Cuddy joked, "That may take a while."

"Thanks." He grabbed his cane and backpack off his desk and looked down at her solid red, short-sleeved blouse with plunging neckline, then waggled his eyebrows.

"And may _I _suggest that _you _wear something that would make even Patti and Selma proud."

She half smiled. "In your dreams, House."

He returned the smile then headed for the door with his backpack slung over his shoulder. But as soon as his back was turned away from her, his smile faded and he looked almost sad. He nearly whispered, "If only you knew."

He was almost out the door when Cuddy abruptly said, "Wait. "

House stopped short and froze. _Did she hear me? _He began to sweat and his heart raced.

"Wh…?" Cuddy chose her words carefully next not to sound too curious. "Why on Earth would you own a bunny suit, let alone admit it to anyone?"

A sigh of relief quickly washed over his face. He turned to face her, pointed a finger in her direction and teased, "See. I was right. You are a member of E-Fetish dot com!"

Cuddy smugly replied, "It sounds more like you are, Mr. Bunny Rabbit Suit."

"Touché."


	5. Chapter 5

It was precisely six forty-eight in the evening. The reception at PPTH promptly started at six and began the night with a special presentation honoring major donors, Mr. Jim Kobayashi and his wife Helen, for their generous donation.

One hundred thirty-seven people sat behind twenty-five large circular tables that were arranged in front of a stage, podium and three chairs designated for Cuddy and the Kobayashi's. Many of the donors, staff and volunteers attended the event except for one man—_one soon to be dead man_, Cuddy thought. There was no sign of House.

Mr. Kobayashi stood center stage addressing the audience. He spoke briefly about what hardships he and his family had to emotionally and physically endure when their daughter was constantly in and out of the hospitals.

Cuddy's nerves got to the best of her as she joined Mr. Kobayashi behind the podium. Although she had rehearsed her speech several times earlier that day, she couldn't help but feel off. She was about to engage the audience when a silhouette of a tall man arrived fashionably late and caused some commotion trying to find an empty seat. Cuddy immediately smiled but couldn't make out his face in the dimly lit room. Then, her smile came as quickly as it went. The shadowy figure lacked a staggering gait.

With a fake smile she began, "I'd like to thank the Kobayashi family for their generous donation," all the while searching the crowd for House. "The South Pediatric Wing will no doubt provide comfort to our young patients. Tomorrow morning, they will be relocated to the newly expanded wing and will be recovering in larger, private rooms with parent sleeping spaces. Parents will also benefit from the new Family Resource Center, a place where they can be comfortable and regain a sense of normalcy in their lives. They'll have a place to shower, sleep and even do laundry while remaining close to their loved one…" She spotted House illuminated by the track lighting above the bar and lost her train of thought. She cleared her throat and quickly recovered, "…while remaining closed to their loved one during their hospital stay."

House smiled back at her with his eyes.

She shifted her stance. "And finally, programs designed and facilitated to help teach family members to master the skills necessary for medical care once they have been discharged." Cuddy turned stage left toward Mr. and Mrs. Kobayashi. "Thank you for providing extra comfort and care to the children at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital."

The audience stood up from their seats and applauded as Mr. Kobayashi approached Cuddy and handed her an extremely large check written out to the tune of eight million dollars. Everyone sat back down and waited for dinner to be served as the presentation ended.

Cuddy walked off stage and zigzagged her way through the crowd to House. He was leaning back against a wall near the open bar holding a cocktail in one hand and his cane in the other. Now that Cuddy had a closer look at him she scrutinized his wardrobe. He was a vision in his Giorgio Armani Tuxedo with black satin lapels and satin tie. A white handkerchief was meticulously placed in his breast pocket. She snuck up beside him. "I'm glad you're here."

House swiveled his head and met her gaze. She was beautiful—extraordinarily beautiful—in a chic, black tank drape dress with a black satin belt and what he thought could only be described as a dangerously low neckline. Her luscious dark chocolate locks were long and loose and bounced when she moved ever so slightly. "I told you I'd show up."

"You look good." She smiled at him with approval and was totally not oblivious to notice the fact that they were matching.

"I wish I could say the same about you, but you lose points for visible panty lines."

"That's strange because I'm not wearing any," she indiscreetly goaded him. "What's the matter House? Cat got your tongue?"

He wildly shook his head and smacked the side of it. "Wh…what did you just say?"

"HA! That was a test and you failed. You've been in my company not even two minutes and already you're acting like a jerk. I'm warning you. You better hold your tongue for the rest of the night or else…"

"Or else, _what_?" He shot his arms up in the air. "Let me guess, more _fucking_ clinic hours? Because that seems to always be my sentence—regardless if it's my fault or not—like the MRI Machine incident." He poorly imitated Cuddy, "House, you're doing fifty hours clinic duty. House, you're doing one thousand hours. Make that clinic duty _for the rest of_ _your life_!"

She leaned in to him. "You must really want a tongue-lashing, don't you?"

"Is that a promise? Or are you speaking to me with a forked tongue?" He leaned in a little bit closer and stared her straight in the eye. "Because you can give me the rough side of your tongue anytime."

She closed the gap between them even further and was now practically in his face. "I mean it. Don't let me down."

"Only if you don't let _me_ down tonight."

"House." She gave him a look. "That was your final warning. Please be on your best behavior."

He backed off and put his hand on his chest. "Moi? I always aim to please."

She laughed and swept a strain of hair away from her face. "That's not what I heard."

He challenged her, "Hey, you want to test that rumor? Come back here and find out for yourself."

She poked a finger in his chest. "House shut up. Quit with the fantasizing and stop wagging your tongue at me. I've heard the rumors. People are already talking."

House loosened his collar. "Yeah, some of those may have actually been started by me."

"Well then, I shall start some of my own then. By tomorrow I guarantee you everyone in the hospital will be looking at you in a very different way."

"You're threats are meaningless. You wouldn't dare."

"Try me." And just like that she walked away. Her swaying ass slowly hypnotized him with every step until she disappeared in the crowd.

House gulped the remainder of scotch in his glass and let his mind drift. For some odd reason, he couldn't help but notice that Cuddy and he kept using the word tongue in their dialogue exchange. Any more bantering like that and he might be inclined to slip her his tongue by evening's end.

There was something going on between them. There was something definitely happening right now.

He looked down at what presumably could become the most embarrassing moment of his life. All of that verbal sparring—foreplay if you will—literally gave him a rise in every sense of the word. Little Greg stirred awake.

House had to get even with her, devise a vindictive plan and not pull any punches. But first, it was best he go unnoticed for a while, that is until certain things mellowed out.


	6. Chapter 6

After the presentation ended, a group of musicians arrived on stage to set up their instruments. Within fifteen minutes they began playing soft jazz and entertaining the guests while dinner was being served.

House stood next to the stage talking to a petite woman in her early thirties with honey blonde hair. "Hey, why don't you go find us a seat?" He pointed to the restroom door. "I've got to take care of some business."

She touched his arm. "Sure, thing. Don't be too long."

House then inconspicuously entered the men's room and locked the door behind him. He was going to be in there for a while.

A delicious aroma filled the air as waiters carried platters of food to the tables. The guests had a choice of two specially prepared dishes: spinach and ricotta stuffed pasta shells and refreshing Waldorf salad or grilled lemon chicken, spinach pear salad and spicy cauliflower soup.

An average looking man with very noticeable hair plugs and fake tanned skin pulled Cuddy's chair out for her to sit at the table. He was Cuddy's date—set up by none other than her sister, Julia—her soon-to-be disowned sister, Julia. She made a mental note to never ask Julia to set up her again.

Shortly after meeting Kevin, Cuddy realized she was stuck on a date with _the_ dullest man in the world. He was socially awkward, full of himself, unintelligent and lacked a personality. _Even his suit_ was dull and boring.

She sat in her chair and politely smiled.

Kevin sat down beside her. "I'm having a good time. We should do this again, huh?"

Cuddy was about to speak when a slender blonde interrupted. "Excuse me. Are these seats taken? These are the only two empty chairs I could find." The young woman wore an elegant off the shoulder black cocktail dress and her hair was swept back away from her face.

"No. Go right ahead," Cuddy insisted and motioned her to sit down.

"Thanks." The woman sat down and placed her purse on the empty chair between Cuddy and her. "My date should be back any moment. He just had to use the restroom."

Moments later House appeared at the table. "Oh great. I see you've already met. Dr. Lisa Cuddy this is my date, Melanie Dawson. Melanie Dawson, this is Dr. Lisa Cuddy, the old boss lady." He popped two tablets of Vicodin in his mouth.

"_Dean of Medicine_." Cuddy clenched her jaw. Through gritted teeth she whispered to House, "I thought we agreed _no hookers_."

"She's not." He secretly said back.

"She's not?"

"Yep."

"So, who is she?"

He smiled. "My aren't _we_ curious." He between Cuddy and Melanie.

"So…this must be the infamous Dr. Gregory House. Lisa has been talking about you all night." Kevin stood up from his chair and extended his arm across the table toward House.

House looked at Cuddy and snarked, "Stalking me all night too."

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Kevin cupped his hand to his ear. His seat happened to be right next to the stage speaker, thankfully for Cuddy's sake.

House raised his voice. "I said, 'yeah, to me all night too.'"

Kevin had a confused look on his face. "She's been beside me pretty much all night. I don't get it."

"You're not supposed to. It was a joke." House reached out to shake Kevin's hand and intentionally knocked over a goblet of water from the table onto Cuddy's lap.

She shrieked, "House!"

"Oh-oh. Will you look at that? I'm_ so sorry_," he mocked. "I didn't mean to water your lady garden. Better go blow dry."

Cuddy grabbed her cloth napkin from the table and swept the ice cubes off her lap. She then placed it over the damp fabric to absorb some of the wetness.

House quickly snatched another napkin from the place setting next to his. "Or better yet, I could help pat you dry."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, threw her napkin on the floor and pulled House aside from the table. "House, make no mistake about it. I'll deal with you later. You better watch your back."

She made a beeline to the ladies restroom.

House yelled after her, "How about I watch _your_ back instead?" He titled his head to the side and suggestively looked at her as she walked away.

When Cuddy arrived at the restroom she pulled the handle on the door, but it wouldn't budge. She tried again. Still nothing.

She slowly opened the door to the men's room and peered in. "Hello? Is anybody in here?" There was no answer. She stepped in and whipped her head around to lock the door. Then leaned her body against the back of it and closed her eyes for a moment.

Sounds of rustling paper could be heard in the room when the air conditioner kicked on. Cuddy opened her eyes to investigate. She saw hundreds of pieces of paper covering nearly every inch of wall space in the bathroom. _What the fuck?_ She closely examined the papers. It was a photocopied picture of her dressed as Sleeping Beauty from Halloween two years ago. In big black letters above the picture it said, "I need a date. I'm desperate and easy. Please call me." And to make matters worse her cell phone number was written right below.

Cuddy clawed her hands along the walls, tearing off all the photocopied pieces of paper and threw them into the wastebasket next to the door. She then maneuvered to a large beveled mirror above the dual bathroom sinks and splashed a little bit of water on her face trying to regain her composure.

After a couple of deep breaths she decided that she was ready to face the world again. She dried her dress under the hand dryer and then unlocked the door. With the door ajar, a smirking House entered the restroom and thrust a photocopy in her face. "Oh, my God. _Is this_ how _you_ met Kevin?"

She grabbed the paper from his hand, crumbled it into a ball and threw it in his face. "Asshole."

House devilishly grinned. Phase one, completed.


	7. Chapter 7

Kevin and Melanie sat together at the table and enjoyed dinner without the company of their dates. Rather than eat in silence, Melanie tried to broach a subject with Kevin.

"So, what do you do for a living?" She took a bite from her spinach salad.

"I'm an actor," Kevin replied.

Melanie nearly choked. "Oh, my God! Anything you've been in I might have seen?"

"Well, I don't want to brag." He sounded snobbish. "But I was in _The Social Network…_and _Black Swan._"

She thought for a moment and tried to place his face. "I've seen those movies. You don't look familiar to me at all."

"I guess I would have been hard to miss." He stuffed a piece of chicken in his mouth and continued talking with his mouth full. "You know, I was _that_ guy drinking the beer and doing the cabbage patch dance during the party in _The Social Network." _

Melanie faked a smile, "Oh, right." She lowered her voice. "I remember seeing your elbow in Black Swan."

Kevin tried to make out her words but the music at the reception was getting louder. "What you'd say?"

"Nothing." She turned away and stifled a laugh. "Actor? Right."

The band changed their set and began to play more lively music as most of the guests were done with dinner. Many swarmed to the dance floor while others remained at their tables or mingled at the bar.

Kevin looked at the people dancing while he picked his two front teeth with his index finger. He glanced up and spotted Cuddy approaching the table with House trailing a few feet behind. "Lisa! There you are. I thought I had to send out a search party for you." He snorted. "I hope you didn't mind. I took the liberty of ordering your dinner."

Cuddy looked down at her plate. She frowned.

"What's the matter you don't like chicken? Everybody likes chicken. Everything tastes like chicken! Am I right or am I right?" He snorted again and slapped the table.

This guy was _really _irritating the shit of out her. "No, I don't like chicken 'cause I don't eat meat. I'm a vegetarian."

"Come on Cuddy. You _do_ eat meat. Hell-oooooo?" House pointed at his crotch. "CockMeat sandwich anyone?"

Cuddy surrendered to House. "_Why_ are you doing this? _Why_ are you screwing with me?"

"I'm sorry, what?" He pointed to himself and shouted so others may hear. "You want to screw me? On this table?"

"I wouldn't give you the satisfaction," she hissed.

"Hey, that's enough!" Kevin stepped between House and Cuddy and grabbed him by the lapels. "You're out of line pal. "

He laughed. "Yeah, you can say that I've crossed it."

Kevin knocked House's cane out of his hand and poked his finger on his chest. "I mean it. Do you want to step outside or something?"

"HA! You hear_ that_ Cuddy? Your date wants to beat up a cripple."

"And yours wants to beat off a cripple…for…for forty bucks," Cuddy argued.

He corrected her. "You're way off. Try one hundred…"

Melanie jumped in. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You thought I was a prostitute or something?"

Cuddy's voice trembled. "You're not?"

"No!"

House cleared his throat. "As I saying, Cuddy, you're way off. Try one hundred times wrong."

Melanie's voice grew louder. "A prostitute?" Seriously? I gave you _that_ impression?"

"You didn't." Cuddy pointed at House. "He did."

House quizzically looked at Cuddy. "Really? I don't recall ever..."

Melanie cut off House. "You know, I've been called a lot of things in my life lady, but a whore? Please. You want talk first impressions? Who's the one here dressed provocatively?" She gestured toward Cuddy's chest. "I mean, a dress like _that_ on a Dean of Medicine? I can practically see your tits and so can everybody else!" She angrily grabbed her purse from the table. "Greg, I can use a drink…and a cigarette." Then stalked off.

House called out to Melanie. "You got it babe. I'll meet you at the bar in a few. "

He looked at Cuddy and stupidly grinned. "Speaking of boobs, I bet you feel like one now."

A mortified Cuddy slowly walked past the bar where House and Melanie sat on the way to her office. It seemed like a good place to disappear and hide out for a while.

House leaned into Melanie. "You were utterly brilliant." He pulled out his wallet from his pocket and grabbed a wad of bills. He pondered for a moment, "Let's see you charge seventy-five an hour…"

He looked at his watch and scratched his head. "Okay. Multiply seventy-five by two, carry the one and factor in the quadratic formula…"

Melanie smiled and quietly laughed.

"One hundred fifty, right?"

She nodded her head.

He pulled out two one hundred dollars bills and a fifty.

She pushed his hand away. "I don't feel right taking it. I didn't really _do anything_." She leaned in closer and stroked his thigh. "I mean you still could get your money's worth."

He removed her hand. "Trust me. I got off. And I may get off clinic duty forever because of this. I mean did you see her face? Priceless."

"Oh! I get it. I get it. You don't want to be with _me_ tonight. Because _your_…"

His eyebrows shot up. "Gay? Absolutely not!"

"Because _your_ heart is after _hers_, not mine. You'd rather be _with her_."

He made a face. "Cuddy? No. She's not my type."

Melanie remained silent.

"She's not inflatable," he joked. "No, really! She's just my boss. And _that's_ all. I'm just fucking _with _her tonight."

"No, I think you'd rather _be_ fucking her tonight. I see the way you look at her. And I see the way she looks at you. I can't compete. If it's all right with you, I'd like to go back to the party and drum up a little business."

"Yeah. Sure."

Melanie was about to leave the bar when House stopped her. "You're wrong, by the way…about Cuddy. She means nothing to me."

She half-smiled. "Everybody lies."

House rubbed his thigh vigorously and mumbled to himself. "So, I've heard." The pain in his leg was increasing twofold. He planned on not pulling any punches with Cuddy, but he was having second thoughts. Maybe he should have handled the situation with kid gloves.


	8. Chapter 8

Cuddy sat in darkness on the couch in her office with her bare feet propped up on the coffee table. Tears streamed down her face as a storm began to brew. Heavy rain pelted against the windows partially muffling the sound of the party next door. She had been alone and undisturbed for at least twenty minutes until a knock sounded at the door.

"Go away," she barked.

The door cracked open. A stream of light poked through the side of the door along with a hand, waving a white cloth napkin in the air from side to side. The disembodied hand belonged to Gregory House.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not," House shouted back. "You're forgetting that I can read you like a book." He walked in the office and couldn't help but add, "Any chance it's in Braille too?"

She didn't even crack a smile.

He protectively stood beside her. "Okay, first of all, you should be thanking me for saving your ass all night from that loser Kevin. Within thirty seconds of meeting him I could tell that he was a pompous, self-satisfied jerk."

Cuddy muttered, "Takes one to know one."

"Okay. I deserved that. But you have to admit I was right in getting rid of that guy. He was annoying you, everybody at the table and everybody within a thirty mile radius."

"House, there are other ways you could have handled him. But no, you had to go make a scene. I've never been more upset or humiliated in my entire life. What you did was mean and low, even for you."

House remained on the defensive. "There was no scene to be seen. The music was loud. The lighting was poor. People were dancing. All the guests were oblivious to what was going on. And the majority of them were already shitfaced because of the open bar—which is great by the way. If I had known these parties were like this, I would attend them more often."

She rolled her eyes.

"Cuddy." House tried to control himself and repress his laughter. "Cuddy. I have a confession to make." A smile crept up on his face. "Melanie _is_ a hooker."

"_I knew it_!" She smacked him hard on the side of his leg.

"Ouch." He winced. "Next time try hitting the good leg."

"Next time I'll…"

"She's also an actress. I saw her do this act once with a donkey. But I won't bore you with the details. It's a long story."

Cuddy folded her arms. "Well, I have all night because I'm _not_ leaving this office until the reception is over."

He put his hands up in the air. "Wait. You're sending me mixed signals. First you want me to go then you want me to stay. So, which is it?"

She wiped her tear-stained cheeks with the palms of her hands and remained quiet, slumping deeper into the couch cushions.

"_Okay_. Melanie portrayed the role of the Virgin Mary in a church Nativity play and rode on a donkey. I guess you dragged it out of me." He was being sarcastic.

"You're an atheist. Isn't that contradictory? I didn't even know atheists go to church."

"They don't."

"Then how do you know Melanie?"

"Believe it or not I met her four months ago while I was doing my penance or what you call 'Clinic Duty'. She invited me to see her play and since I thought she was interesting, I went."

"And she was part of your elaborate scheme to get back at me for assigning you more clinic hours?"

"Yes. And I gave her the most important job: tormenting you at the table. Speaking of jobs…I also had to enlist the help of some other people for my plan to work besides Melanie, Blue the janitor…"

"I think I've told you this many times before, but his name is Lou."

"Huh?" He began to laugh. "No. I think you may have misunderstood me. I'm pretty sure Melanie blew the janitor." He scratched a stubbled cheek. "She had to find a way to convince Lou to help me tack up all those flyers in the bathroom but didn't disclose the details of their arrangement. I'm only speculating, of course, but I wouldn't put it past her."

"You _can't_ be serious!"

Housed laughed heartily. "I'm joking. _ You_ used to have a sense of humor, you know."

"Yeah, I guess I lost it along with my dignity tonight."

"Cuddy, you needn't worry because I can assure you that Lou guarded the men's restroom all night. No one even saw those photocopies except for you and me. And…well…Lou of course."

Cuddy exhaled loudly. She was relieved beyond belief.

House sat on the coffee table directly across from her. "So, what gave it away?"

Cuddy looked confused.

"I'm talking about Melanie. What was it? Her cheap shoes?

She didn't answer.

"Figured as much. I imagine she has a closet full of nothing but Do Me Pumps." He stared for a moment at Cuddy's manicured toes resting beside him. "But, then you probably do too."

She kicked him in his side.

"Again with the hitting?"

House moved beside her on the couch and gently stroked her cheek. "Hey, come back to the reception with me."

Cuddy shook her head no.

"At least let me buy you a drink."

She half-smiled. "House, it's an open bar. The drinks are for free."

"I know. I just wanted to make a dumb joke and see your beautiful smile."

Cuddy's face grew more relaxed and she smiled again.

"Oh, look at that. There it is. " House removed his hand from her face and held it out to her. He placed his other arm around his back and crossed his fingers. "Come on, I'm trying to apologize here. Truce?"

She grasped his hand in front of her and shook it. "Truce."

Cuddy walked over to her desk and retrieved a compact mirror from her black clutch. She needed to check her makeup. "I need a few minutes."

"Sure." House looked down and began dragging his left foot back and forth along the carpeted floor. "So, were you really talking about me all night?"

"Huh?" Cuddy finished powdering her face.

"Kevin said you were chirping in his ear all night about me."

She placed her compact back in her purse then crossed her fingers behind her back. "Nope. Your name never came up."


	9. Chapter 9

It was ten o'clock in the evening and the reception began winding down. Many of the guests had parted ways and left home for the evening. But the festivities were far from over.

The waiters were serving coffee and various desserts such as lemon bars and puffed pastries to the remaining fifty or so attendees and the band was booked to play for another hour. Only until now the music had ceased for a moment as some of the band members celebrated the evening with a round of Lagers at the bar during their break. And it was the perfect time for an intermission because last call for any more alcoholic beverages would end within the next twenty minutes.

A middle-aged bartender stood behind the bar and shook a cocktail shaker then poured a drink for Dr. Hourani and his wife. "Here you go. Enjoy your dirty martinis." He turned his attention to House and Cuddy as they approached the bar.

"So, what can I get for the two of you tonight?"

Cuddy looked at House undecided. "I don't know. What's your poison?"

House rubbed his chin. "Well, I was thinking about having another SoCo-LoCo on the rocks."

"I've never heard of that drink. What's in it?"

"Um…One part Southern Comfort, Limoncello, and lime juice, three parts Lemonade and some other citrusy stuff. You'll like it. It's very strong and sweet…just like," House looked into her glimmering grey eyes and lost his train of thought for a moment. "Just like…just like Taub," he joked.

She playfully punched him in his arm.

"I mean just like _you,_ of course." He rubbed his bicep tenderly. "Shit, Cuddy. I had no idea you were a sadist. It's kind of hot. But, I'd appreciate some physical contact of a _different_ kind for the remainder of the night." He waggled his brows.

"Be careful what you wish for House. You might find a Manolo up your ass."

The bartender cleared his throat as other thirsty patrons lined up at the bar and waited patiently.

"Okay. I'll have what he's having." She pointed to House.

Two minutes later the bartender returned and placed two napkins and two tumblers in front of House and Cuddy.

House raised his glass. "Here's to a night we'll never forget."

"Here's to a night I'd soon rather forget."

They clinked glasses then Cuddy downed her drink in one gulp.

"Whoa there missy! Be careful it's 80 proof."

She slammed her tumbler down on the bar and wiped her mouth with the top of her hand. Cuddy called out to the bartender, "I'll have another."

"Sure thing. Just give me one second," he replied while grabbing a thirty-five cent tip Dr. Hourani had left for him. He was about to pocket the change but ending up throwing it back down on the countertop.

"Seriously. Slow down!" House warned her again.

"I'm..."

House cut her off. "I don't want to sound like a party pooper or anything but as much as I'd like to see Partypants Cuddy again, now is neither the time nor the place."

"But I'm…" Cuddy was cut off once more.

"I'm just trying to watch your back." House gazed briefly at her chest. "And your front." He moved his hand toward the strap of her black tank dress and tugged on it gently. "Please tell me your dress isn't _booby trapped_."

"Shut your trap, will you? I'm trying to tell you that the drink isn't for _me_. It's for _you_."

"Wait a minute. Are you trying to get me drunk? Because trust me, you need not go to these lengths Cuddy. I mean, if want to bump fuzzies, just ask."

"God, House! Is your mind always in the gutter?"

"I'm sorry but can you please repeat 'God, House' again, only this time more breathy?" He closed his eyes and licked his lips.

"Never mind. I got my answer."

The bartender placed another SoCo-LoCo in front of Cuddy. "I'm going to use the ladies room." She paused for a moment. "And I'm not going to find any more surprises in there, will I?"

"Like what?"

"House. I'm serious."

"No, you're not. "

Cuddy crinkled her brows.

"I mean, _no _you're _not _going to find any flyers in there, _not_ that you're _not_ serious. " He cleared his throat. "Do you want me to watch your drink for you?"

"I told you, it's for _you_. Not me."

"Cuddy, I've already had three tonight."

"House, I know you can hold your liquor. I just don't know if I could trust you right now."

"How do you mean?"

"I have this weird feeling that you're going to fuck with me some more and renege on your promise. Hopefully, in an inebriated state you might stop scheming for once."

"I love the fact that you're telling me this but come on, we shook on it. My word means nothing?"

"Whatever." She grabbed her purse. "That drink better be gone when I get back."

He held up the drink to his lips. "Yes, mommy."

Cuddy shortly disappeared into the crowd.

"Looks like you can use another drink, my friend." House slid his drink down to a man dressed in all black with shaggy blond hair and goatee. He was holding an empty glass at the other end of the bar. "Allow me."

"Hey thanks." The man chugged the beverage down.

House inched his way closer to him. "Your in the band, right?"

"Yeah."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure. But I have to be back on stage in a few."

"I have a song request. Do you know _Never Gonna Give You Up_?"

"You're kidding right? Rick Astley?"

"Oh God no! I was talking about The Black Keys."

"Oh yeah. We're big fans of theirs."

"Good. You think you guys can play that?"

"No problem, man." He got up and returned to the stage with the rest of his band mates.

Cuddy came back from the restroom and joined House at the bar. She saw the empty glass near House. She pinched her lips together and said, "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"


	10. Chapter 10

Kevin and Melanie were on the dance floor practically sucking face. But that's because Kevin was the only one who didn't turn her away that night. He was also the only one who didn't even suspect that she was a hooker.

"Well, will you look at that?" House pointed to the rather friendly couple on the dance floor from the bar where he and Cuddy sat. It was not hard to pay attention to them with their overzealous public display of affection. "Kevin and Melanie seem to be getting along very well, wouldn't you say?"

Cuddy closed her eyes and turned away. "Ugh. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth."

House snickered. "Kevin may be a little over his head with Melanie. He may be getting a little something-something extra that he didn't bargain for."

"What do you mean?"

"First off, Melanie isn't cheap—and by cheap, I mean she's expensive. I don't think he's the kind of guy that can afford her. And secondly, I don't want to break doctor-patient confidentiality but Melanie came to see me last week in the clinic because of a recent herpes outbreak."

"I'm shocked, House."

He became defensive. "What? I wasn't planning on sleeping with her. I told you, she was hired to play a part and that's it, I swear. I've never even slept with her."

Cuddy laughed. "No, I'm shocked that you actually willingly showed up to do your clinic hours."

House grimaced. "Ha, ha. Funny."

They both watched Kevin and Melanie leave the dance floor and exit the reception arm in arm. She giggled, pretending to enjoy his company and asinine jokes.

"Oh. Great." Cuddy sounded bummed.

"Oh, great? Are you kidding me? That's what you say?" House couldn't believe his ears. "Cuddy that guy doesn't deserve you. You deserve so much more. Someone who can sweep you off your feet and…"

Cuddy interjected, "No. I meant that there goes my ride. Kevin picked me up at my house before coming here. I have no way of getting home." Cuddy could have kicked herself. "I knew that I should have driven here myself. I guess, I should call a cab."

House slightly jerked away from her. "Absolutely not. I'll take you home."

"House, you're not in any condition to drive. You've had way too much to drink."

House smacked the side of his head and staggered a bit. "Oh, right. Silly me. How could I forget?" He bit his lip hoping she didn't see through his lie. "I'll tell you what, why don't you drive my car home? Yeah. You could drop me off at my place and then drive home."

Suddenly the band began playing House's song request. It was a decent cover.

Cuddy was talking in mid-sentence when her ears perked up. She recognized immediately the cool light beat of the drums and smooth bluesy guitar licks. "Oh, my God! I love this song!"

"Really? I didn't know that." He was so full of shit. "We should dance. I've heard you can cut a mean rug."

She blushed. "I'd love to."

House propped his cane against the bar, gracefully bowed and then guided her to the area reserved for dancing. "After you ma' lady."

"Thanks."

The back of Cuddy's dress was just as impressive as the front of it. It draped very low in the back. House embraced her warmly and placed his hands around her smooth, soft skin while Cuddy enveloped her arms around him. As they swayed to the music everything around them appeared to move in slow motion and then gradually fade out.

They remained in this position until House momentarily pulled away from her. "Cuddy, I'm really sorry that I made you angry and acted like an asshole earlier. Honestly, I really don't know why we keep on doing this dance."

"It's okay. You were just being you."

"No. I really owe you an apology."

"I think you just did." She sweetly smiled at him then she started laughing to herself.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, come out with it. What?"

She stared back at House, mere inches away from his face. "I'm trying to figure out exactly how I ended up with my _arms _around your neck when I've been thinking about placing my _hands_ around your neck and choking the life out of you all night."

"Yeah, I guess sometimes things have a way of working themselves out in the end. But if you'd like I can provide you with some other part of my body if you still want something to choke."

Cuddy smirked and shook the top of her head against his chest.

"Just saying," he said matter-of-factly.

She rested her head back on his shoulder and held him a little tighter as he continued dancing with her, both arms possessively embracing her body.

House couldn't resist drawing lazy circles on the small of her back. The pad of his index finger swirled counterclockwise and became smaller with each revolution. He could feel her hot breath on his neck and her smell was absolutely intoxicating. It was driving him mad. He lightly brushed his lips along her cheek and placed the tip of his tongue near her ear.

Cuddy enjoyed his closeness but then quickly pulled away.

House tried to recover from his trance-like state. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay. I know it's not you. It's the alcohol. I...I…I should go now." She was about to walk away.

"Oh." House was disappointed.

"I mean _we_ should go now."

His eyes widened and he smiled. "_Oh_?"

"It's getting late, I'm tired and I need to be at the Grand Opening early tomorrow morning." She produced a fake yawn. "So if you don't mind, can we go now so I can drop you off at your place?"

"Oh." He was shot down again.

House heard the band's vocalist croon the last lines of the song: _Never gonna give you up, so don't you think of leaving._ Then the music stopped. And his plan to finally get serious with Cuddy had come to a full stop too.


	11. Chapter 11

A storm was brewing, around House and inside of him. He needed something to take the edge off and dull the pain from Cuddy's rejection and frigidity. He sifted through his pocket and pulled out his meds and dry swallowed a couple more tablets of Vicodin.

The sky was dark grey. It was raining—raining hard. And the cold night air whistled and howled. Strong winds blew trees left and right as huge puddles threatened to flood the parking lot of the hospital.

House and Cuddy stood frozen behind the main glass hospital doors staring out at the bleak and difficult drive ahead of them.

She clutched the handle of the door. "Okay. Give me your keys."

He looked over at her and snarked, "Didn't you bring a coat or something? Or perhaps—I don't know—check the weather forecast before you left the house?"

"Yes. I did bring one. But stupid me left it behind in Kevin's car."

"Ugh. Well, you can kiss that jacket goodbye. _Seriously._ Can you imagine what he and Melanie might be doing in the backseat of his car _on_ your jacket?"

Cuddy stuck her tongue out. "Thanks for the mental image."

House removed his tuxedo jacket and handed it to her. "Here, take mine."

"Thanks. But you're going to get all wet."

"Well it's only fair I do too. I mean I got _you _wet earlier, didn't I?"

Cuddy's eyes grew wide "Huh?"

"Um, hello? I dropped a glass of water on your lap about a few hours ago." He paused for a moment. "Oh, you thought I was talking about…"

"House!"

He laughed. "Aha! Now who has their mind in the gutter?" He shook his finger at her. "Just take the damn jacket, Cuddy."

Then he looked at down at her chest and added, "Besides, I wouldn't want the girls to catch cold."

She slipped it on.

They remained silent for the most part on the way toward House's apartment. House didn't want to break Cuddy's concentration on the road. It would have been stupid and dangerous to make a move on her especially in these hazardous weather conditions.

Cuddy parked curbside in front of House's place.

"Hey, do you want to come inside for a little while? Dry off and maybe weather the storm a bit?"

"No, I really should get going."

He placed his hand on the side of his head. "That's too bad. I was hoping you might help me get into my apartment. All that booze you forced me to drink is making me feel a little woozy. I'm afraid I might slip and fall with the ground being wet and all."

"House, it was only one drink."

"Yes. But you're forgetting that I told you I already had a few drinks prior to that one."

"Oh. Right."

The rain pelted the car windows faster and harder.

"Okay. On the count of three, go. One. Two. Three."

Cuddy ran out in the rain over to the passenger side. She helped House up then wrapped her arm around his lower back. He leaned against her and slowly limped up to the front door, purposely staggering a few times.

"Can you give me my keys?"

"House, I'm not digging into your trouser pocket."

"Cuddy, _you _drove us here. You have my keys."

"Oh."

"Why do you seem so nervous?"

"I'm not." She looked back at the overflowing gutters in the streets. "I just thought I'd take you up on your offer and hang out here till the storm dies down."

"Cool."

House entered his apartment, placed his cane near the door and turned on the light. Cuddy filed in after him.

"So, can I get you anything? A drink? Or something to eat?" He opened up his refrigerator. "Let's see I've got some pitted olives, a box of baking soda…ooh, leftover Chinese takeout!" He opened up one of the white cartons and sniffed its contents. The pungent stench was overwhelming. "This is no good." He tossed it aside and opened up the freezer door. "I don't suppose you'd like some freezer burned chocolate ice cream?"

She scrunched her face. "Gee, as appetizing as that sounds House, I'll take a rain check". She took a few steps away from him. "Maybe I should just, go?"

House opened up the kitchen cupboard and held out a box of cereal. "How about some Colo's Colios?"

"No, thanks."

"Okay," House said defeated.

He walked Cuddy over to the front door. "So, we'll make arrangements tomorrow regarding the situation with my car and how I'm going to get it back and…"

House leaned forward and pinned her against the wall. His lips collided with hers with great fervor.

They hungrily explored each other's mouths with their remarkable tongues, mapping out every crevice. He reached for her hand and held it firmly then loosened his grip as he softened the kiss.

They broke apart.

"Wow. What just happened here?" House managed to sputter out.

Cuddy placed her hand on her forehead, paced his apartment then made her way to the piano bench. "You were talking and then out of nowhere _you_ were rounding first base. That's what happened."

"So were you! You kissed back too." He left the front door and approached Cuddy at the piano. "I may have been rounding first Cuddy, but you were wanted to score right off the bat."

"You're drunk right now. You don't know what you are saying."

"I'm not! I've been faking the whole time." He sat down next to her and lifted her chin up so she would look into his eyes. "Tell me I'm wrong, Cuddy. Seriously. You _want this_ just as much as I do."

She turned away from him. "Okay. Maybe I do, but…"

"But nothing." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her again, slow and long.

_She tastes wonderful_, he thought_. Like…like Heaven? Heaven? _Pretty damnfunny, coming from an Atheist.

Cuddy ended the kiss and focused in on House's gaze. His pupils were wide and wild. He wanted her. He wanted her badly. He wanted her right now.

"How about a little southern comfort?"

She laughed. "Are you trying to make a joke right _now_?

"No. Cuddy. That's not what I meant at all." He pushed her up onto the keys of the piano and flung the piano bench over and got on his knees. His right hand traveled to the hem of her dress. It slightly trembled along the way as it slowly slid up her left leg. His fingers lingered there for a moment only to disappear a second later under the fabric. "I just thought that you'd like a nightcap."

His hand journeyed farther up and moved along the damp surface of her panties. "I knew it."

She bit her lower lip while he pulled up her dress and peeled off a pair of very sticky panties. She was swollen and glistening. House lowered his head between her legs and proceeded to dazzle her with his skillful tongue and fingers.

The piano keys pounded every time Cuddy's body wriggled and writhed.

_A-sharp. A-sharp. G-major. D-Major._

She spread her legs even wider and grabbed the sides of the piano. With her head craned back she thrust her pelvis harder to his face.

The piano chords continued to rhythmically play._ G-minor. C-major. A-sharp. _

Her core was getting hotter and her moans were getting louder as waves of pleasure increased to the nth degree.

_F-sharp. F-sharp. F-sharp. F-sharp. F-major!_

The Cuddy moaned and made the 'O' face. Through ragged breaths she managed to spew, "Wow, that was…that was…that was…"

"Yeah." House sank into her lap and held her tightly. "See, I knew we would make beautiful music together."

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

The morning sunlight had slowly filtered through the curtained windows of Dr. Gregory House's apartment bedroom. He was fast asleep and physically worn out from the previous night with Cuddy.

He had been dreaming about her all night. Her beauty. Her warmth. Her laugh. Her love. She was the last thing on his mind when he went to sleep and the first thing on his mind when he woke up.

Next to House rested _his _Cuddy, _his_ sleeping beauty. He propped his hand under his chin and stared at her, outlining the contours of her body, memorizing every nook and curve and watched the slow rise and fall of her chest. But of all of it seemed so surreal. He needed to touch her and make sure that he wasn't still dreaming or God forbid, hallucinating.

House pulled her in closer to his warm body and kissed her shoulder with a gentle kiss. She was there. This was real.

She stirred a little in her sleep as he nestled his head near her bosom and closed his eyes while tangling one hand in her soft, raven hair and the other over her abdomen.

She slowly woke up and scanned her surroundings. Cuddy found it very odd that she wasn't in _her_ house, in _her_ room and more importantly, in _her_ bed. Then the night before came rushing back into her mind. It was an incredible night filled with non-stop firework explosions. A night with House!

She turned on her side and squinted at the figure beside her and then at the alarm clock. Her eyes widened. The digital clock read 7:34 a.m.

"Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!""

House turned over pretending to be asleep and mumbled into his pillow. His words were almost unintelligible. "Right now? Okay. Give me a second."

Cuddy jumped out of the bed and took along the light grey crumpled bed sheet that was wrapped around the two of them. She shouted even louder, "Fuck!"

A very naked House quickly opened his eyes, sat up and whined, "Hey!

He looked at the clock then fell back prone onto his bed and closed his eyes. "Geez Cuddy, we've only been asleep for two and a half hours. You want to go at _it _again?" He yawned. "Haven't you had enough? Come back to bed with me and let's sleep some more."

"Shit!" She began pacing the room, searching for all of her clothes.

"Are you always this grouchy in the morning?"

She spotted a four inch black heel near the foot of his bed.

House looked at her and smirked. "Cuddy, I swear that's not mine."

Cuddy looked under the bed for the other one.

"Okay, you got me—it's Wilson's!"

She rose up from the bed with a shoe in hand. "House, shut up! I'm late!"

He sat up again and rubbed the sleep out his eyes. Then grabbed his prescription bottle and chucked out a couple pills. His words dripped with heavy sarcasm, "_Really_? You can tell _already_ that you're pregnant? That's some women's intuition you got there."

"No, you idiot! I was supposed to be at the hospital forty-five minutes ago."

"Big deal. So, you go in late for once."

As she passed him hear the bed, he stepped on the dragging bed sheet and unraveled Cuddy in all her naked glory.

She fell to the ground and immediately clenched her fists.

House puckered his lips. "Oops!"

Cuddy crawled to a small pile of clothes near the door and found her evening dress. She flung it over her head. "You don't get it do you? This morning was the grand opening of the new wing." She straightened out her dress and readjusted her satin belt. "I was supposed to be there and cut the ribbon with the Kobayashi family."

House swung his legs over the edge of the bed and then stood up.

Cuddy immediately looked down at him.

House followed Cuddy's gaze and looked at his very apparent erection. "Sorry, Morning glory." He spoke directly to his penis. "At ease, boy!"

Cuddy's agitation grew. "Shit. Where the hell are my panties?"

He smirked. "Have you tried _Calculatus Eliminatus_ to find out where it's not?"

Cuddy gave him a look.

He chuckled. "You've forgotten that I studied under Dr. Seuss."

Again she was not amused.

"And I see that you haven't regained your sense of humor yet."

"House, stop acting like an ass and help me find them."

He cleared his throat. "Okay. Let's just retrace our steps last night." He pulled up his black boxer briefs that he retrieved from the floor and pointed at the bed with his cane. "We did it here."

They stepped out into the living room. "And then over on the couch and on the desk." House stepped over some papers, books and other various knick-knacks that had been swept aside from the desk unto the floor.

"Wait!" He scratched the side of his head and thought hard. "Or was it desk, then couch? I can't remember."

Cuddy ran over to the piano. "They've got to be around here somewhere." She searched but was unable to find them.

"That's because you're looking in the wrong place." House aimed his cane toward a black satin thong on the headstock of his Fender guitar mounted on the wall. "Or that could be Wilson's," he joked.

Cuddy retrieved them and pulled them back up under her dress. "House, this can't happen again."

He laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"Last night was a mistake."

"A mistake?"

"Yes. That's exactly what I said."

"Yeah, a mistake that should've happened a long time ago."

She shook her head no.

"Cuddy, are you fucking kidding me?"

House walked up to her and placed both of his hands on her head examining for contusions and lumps.

Cuddy's tried to smack his hands away. "What are you doing?"

"I'm checking for head trauma. You whacked your head a few times against the headboard pretty good last night, but I didn't think you hit it _that _hard."

"House. I'm fine."

"So, then you've completely lost your mind, is that it?"

"Everything happened so fast. I didn't have time to think things through."

He raised his voice. "You've had plenty of time to think things through. Try twenty plus years." Then he grabbed her arm. "Cuddy, you can't deny the strong sexual attraction that's been going on between us since med school. You know it. I know it. The whole damn hospital even knows it."

"I don't have time to talk about this right now, House. Get dressed. We can make it to the hospital in fifteen."

"You mean we're not going to stop off at your place and get your car or change your clothes?"

"There's no time!"

"Won't people talk if we…"

"They won't because I'm going to drop you off a block away from the hospital and I have another change of clothes in my office."

"Um, hello?" He tapped his cane rather hard against the floor. "Cripple here?"

"House, this is your fault." She opened the front door of his apartment. "Hurry up! You've got five minutes."

"Whatever. I can easily change your mind in under five minutes," he muttered under his breath as he retreated back to his bedroom.

He limped over to his dresser drawer and grabbed an old concert T-shirt and clean pair of dark denim jeans. He dressed in silence. He didn't want to talk to her anymore because he really didn't feel like arguing anymore. He just wanted the day to be over because now thanks to Cuddy he was emotionally worn out too.


	13. Chapter 13

House was broken. He couldn't believe the events that transpired with Cuddy earlier in the day. Why was she acting that way? Her behavior was irrational, unforgivable.

First she dumped him and then literally dumped his ass again on the curb to walk back to the hospital. True to her word, she left him a block away then drove off in his car. He debated on even going into work.

A black four door Ford Focus cruised along the road and passed a man looking rather haggard and melancholy, limping down the street. The car suddenly screeched to a halt and backed up.

"Oh my God, I thought that was you." Melanie parked the car at the curb and stared at him through cheetah print rimmed sunglasses.

House approached her car and stuck his head through the open window. "What are you doing on this side of town? Hookerville Road is that way." He pointed his cane in the opposite direction of her car.

She rolled her eyes. "I was actually on my way to see you. I wanted to know how it went with your boss."

His demeanor quickly changed.

"Okay. I need a refill on my Valtrex," she quickly said with a small laugh. "But, seriously what happened? I take it things between the two of you didn't go well as planned."

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Maybe I can help," she offered. She opened the passenger door and patted the seat.

He sat in the car and buckled himself in.

She placed her hand on his lower thigh and smiled.

He gently removed her hand. "Sorry. But, I make it a point not to get personally involved with patients…especially those with STD's."

She laughed. "Thought I'd give it a shot."

House was quiet. He looked away from her and out the window.

"Boy, she's really got a hold on you."

He bit his lip. "If you really want to help me, you can start by giving me a ride."

She smiled again and inched toward him.

"I meant to the hospital."

"Yeah. I knew that's what you meant." She tried to conceal her disappointment. "I just needed to get a tissue out of the glove box."

Cuddy arrived at the hospital and managed to sneak into her office. She drew the blinds, locked the door and grabbed a black blouse with sheer capped sleeves and cinched belt along with a dark grey pencil skirt stashed away in a drawer. She quickly changed and had planned to head toward the restroom to freshen up, but as soon as she opened the door, she was face to face with Wilson and Mr. Kobayashi.

"Why hello, Dr. Cuddy." The two of them walked into her office. "We were wondering where you were hiding."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kobayashi. Please let me explain. I had a situation at home with my…"

"Pussy," House uttered with perfect timing.

Cuddy, Wilson and Mr. Kobayashi pivoted their heads around to House.

He was leaning against the frame of her office door.

He coughed. "Her _pussy_cat, _Rosebud_. Cuddy thought some_body_ _snatch_ed her beloved _kitty_."

She gave House dagger eyes and went along with the lie. "Yes. That's right. My cat. She was missing."

House turned his attention back to Mr. Kobayashi. "Turns out her neighbor, _Mr. Winky_ has—or rather had—this twenty pound _python_. Apparently, it escaped from its cage and _entered_ _Cuddy's garage_ through a _small slit in_ the wall. Naturally Cuddy called me for help because she's scared _stiff_ of his _one-eyed snake_…as is her cat."

Mr. Kobayashi nodded his head. "I can imagine. I am deathly afraid of snakes too."

"So I _came over_ this morning and saved the day. Cuddy _wanted me_ to _bang it_, _smash it_, and _ram it_ against the wall. But I thought it'd be better just to put _my_ _snake_—I mean the snake—in the _grass_ and set if free."

Wilson smiled. "I didn't even know you had a cat. I always thought about getting one myself."

"How is the cat," Mr. Kobayashi asked.

"Well, I found the little scaredy-cat in the garage chilled to the _bone_, shaking _under_ a _box inside Cuddy's pink canoe_."

"You row?" Wilson looked at Cuddy completely oblivious to the real conversation at hand. "Wow, I'm learning a lot about you today."

House continued, "I was able to easily lure her out with some _salami _and _sausage_." He placed both hands over the handle of his Savannah Cherry cane and looked back between Wilson and Mr. Koybayashi. "Let me tell you something. _In the end_, I thought that cat would give me a little gratitude. I mean she was safe, happy and purring. But no, its claws had to _come_ _out_."

Mr. Kobayashi was completely oblivious to the real conversation at hand. "That's okay, Dr. Cuddy. I completely understand and take no offense of your absence. The Chairman of the Board, Sanford Wells, kindly performed the ceremony in your place and everything went accordingly as planned." He glanced down at his watch. "I'm sorry, I'd love to chat more but I really must go. I have an important meeting to attend to across town in the next thirty minutes. "

"Thank you again for your generous support."

He firmly shook her hand and left the office.

Cuddy, House and Wilson remained.

She grabbed House's arm and pulled him aside far away from Wilson near her desk.

House stupidly smiled and murmured, "Think they bought it?"

She gritted her teeth. "After you're done with clinic this morning I want to see you in my office."

He whispered back. "Oh, I get it. You want a repeat of last night."

She dug her nails into his arm and nearly growled, "House."

He winced a little and backed off. "Okay."

House cleared his throat and approached Wilson.

Wilson raised his brow. "What the hell was that about anyway?"

"Ever hear the phrase curiosity killed the cat?"

He gave him a look.

"It's nothing. It's nothing. She just wants to punish me with more clinic hours. Duh! What else would it be about?"

"Interesting." He tilted his head to the side. "Interesting."

They walked to the elevator bay.

House pushed the tip of his cane on the up button and coolly asked, "So…was it Gary Busey?"

The elevator doors opened.

"Huh?"

House and Wilson stepped in.

"_The_ _Dancing With The Stars _finale? Who won? Was it Gary?"

"Oh my God! No!" Wilson placed his hands up on the air. "One of those orange tanned girls from _The Jersey Shore _won. Shewowed the judges by incorporating the fist pump into the Quickstep! It was absolutely ridiculous! You should have seen it! I think her name was Snoopy or something."

House pressed the fourth floor button.

"It's Snooki dumbass." He chuckled. "And by the way, that was a test. _I knew_ you geeked out last night." He shook his head and grinned. "_Dancing With The Stars_."

Wilson's face grew tomato red.

The elevator doors shut.


	14. Chapter 14

As the elevator doors opened, Wilson and House walked down the corridor toward their respective offices.

House popped his head into the DDX room and found Foreman, Chase, Thirteen and Taub hanging out around the conference table. Foreman and Chase were heavily engaged in a conversation, Taub was texting his wife and Thirteen was twirling a pencil in her hand, busy working on a crossword puzzle.

House was first to address the group, "Please tell me that you found a case?"

Taub looked up from his phone. "No. And it doesn't matter anyway because Cuddy said that you aren't to touch any cases until you've done at least two hours in clinic today."

"She doesn't want me to touch a lot of things these days," House muttered under his breath.

"Is that why you're here so early in the morning?" Thirteen placed her newspaper down. "I mean, since when do you come in before eight o'clock anyway? You must have really ruffled her feathers last night."

House smiled. "Word spreads around fast."

"Huh?" She laughed. "Yeah, _that'd_ be the day."

"Just page me when you find something interesting." House walked right back to the elevator bank and headed down to clinic as the team went about their business in the DDX room.

Suddenly Wilson burst into the room with a bunny rabbit costume in hand. "Where's House?"

Chase tried to stifle a laugh. "What the hell are you doing with _that?_"

"I'm just giving it back to House. He let me borrow it for the event in Peds this morning."

Foreman closely looked at the costume head. "Wait. Isn't that from the Howard case two weeks ago?" He winked at Chase.

Chase nodded and followed his lead. "Right. The kid who collapsed at Furry Con! I thought House was going to throw that down in the incinerator."

"What do you mean?" Wilson sounded nervous.

"You _really_ don't want to know what he did in that fur suit." Chase patted him on the shoulder. "Trust me."

The team collectively got up from their chairs and filed out of the DDX room trying to keep a straight face.

Wilson threw the bunny rabbit head on the table. "You'd better be joking!"

They remained silent.

"Guys? Guys?"

Wilson followed after them down the hall. "Come on! This isn't funny!" He balled his hands into fists and grumbled, "House."

House had already spent a good hour and a half seeing idiot after idiot in the free clinic. He exited examination room one with a patient file and grabbed another one from a large stack at the Nurse's station. He opened it, looked at the patient's name and immediately rolled his eyes. _Here we go again. Another idiot. Patch Adams_.

He shook his head and opened the door to exam room three. "Hello, Mr. Adams. I mean Mr. Morris," he quickly corrected himself. "What seems to be the problem now?"

Mr. Morris sat uncomfortably on the edge of the examination table. "Well, since you were so great diagnosing my problem the other day in a flash, my wife insisted I come see you again because I'm having other problems."

"Such as?"

He nearly whispered, "Well, can the nicotine patch cause problems with…?" He pointed down.

"Oh, you're talking about Erectile Dysfunction! It's _hard_ to say. How long have you been having this problem?"

"Oh about sixteen years, I think."

"I'm sorry. Did you just say _sixteen years_?"

"Yes. Sixteen."

"But, you've been only taking the patch for…"

House opened the patient's file and looked at his chart.

"…the past two and a half weeks."

"Yeah. It's got to be the patch, right?"

House shook his head and blinked slowly. It was like he was talking to a brick wall. "Okay. Well, there are physical and psychological causes of ED. But let's point out the obvious. You have high blood pressure, take anti-depressants, have a long history of tobacco use, and you're fat. It could also be related to the fact that…"

A very pudgy woman in a long sleeved lime green floral print shirt and hot pink leggings entered the room. She had stringy bleach blond hair and a beach for a forehead. Her dark brown penciled eyebrows shaped like Nike swoosh logos _almost_ detracted him from noticing her razor burned chin, but not enough from noticing her camel toe—or rather camel foot.

She walked up to Mr. Morris and lisped, "Hi, sweetie. Sorry, I'm late."

House completed his sentence, "…to the fact that _your wife_ is the problem. Perhaps you're _not _sexually aroused."

The woman narrowed her eyes at him.

He tried to recover with a fake smile. "I meant, enough! Yeah, _you're not_ sexually aroused _enough_." He looked at Mr. Morris and pointed an accusatory finger at him. "Bet _you_ can't keep upwith her, am I right?"

The patient's wife nodded her head. "I have to practically beg for it."

House smiled. "I'm sure you've been doing that all your life." Then he drew his attention back to Mr. Morris. "So, to answer your question. Yes, the patch can cause ED because you are still receiving nicotine into your system. Nicotine is a vasoconstrictor, which means it reduces blood flow throughout the body. To maintain an erection you need increased blood flow down there. But, I'm confident to say that the patch isn't causing the ED."

"Then, what is? Can you prescribe him some Viagra or something?"

"Then, what is? Then, _what _is? I don't get it. Am I missing something here?" House buried his nose in the patient's file. "You've been on the patch for less than three weeks, not sixteen years, right?" He looked away from the file.

Mr. Morris' eyes widened as he shook his head no behind his wife with a worried look.

House looked at him then at Mrs. Morris. "Have you ever fallen off a turnip truck by chance?"

Mrs. Morris looked dumbfounded. "What? What does this have to do with…"

"Never mind, it's not important. Forget I even asked. We should run some special tests first to see if he's even right for ED meds. I'm concerned about his high blood pressure. Too much excitement in the bedroom might damage his heart. For good, if you know what I mean."

Mr. Morris mouthed the words "thank you" to House then draped an arm around his wife's shoulder.

Concerned, she asked, "What kind of tests?"

"Nothing serious. I can do the tests right here." He bit his lip. "But first, I have to ask your husband some embarrassing questions. Questions that you may not know the answer to or even want to know. Questions like," he looked at Mr. Morris. "How often do you jack the bean stock?" Then he swung his head back in Mrs. Morris' direction. "You get the picture?"

"Okie dokie. I'll be waiting outside sweetheart." Mrs. Morris left the room and waddled back to a bank of chairs in the waiting area.

As soon as the door closed House pulled out his prescription pad and pen and scribbled on it.

"Really, I don't want to take any medications. Our relationship is just fine the way that it is and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Well, just in case, take this anyway." He handed him the piece of paper. The words 'One Large Brown Paper Bag as needed' were scrawled across the sheet.

Mr. Morris folded the piece of paper in his back trouser pocket without looking at it and headed for the door.

House's curiosity got the best of him. "Let me guess, she's rich?" He studied Mr. Morris' blank face. "Shotgun wedding?"

Mr. Morris gathered his jacket and exited the room. "I don't get it. Why does everybody always ask that?"

As he followed Mr. Morris out of the room, House realized he was actually glad to see him again. First off, he needed a good laugh and secondly it was nice to know that he wasn't the only one in a long, fucked-up relationship.

Maybe love was complicated after all. But there was no chance in hell he would end up like Mr. Morris and be happy with the way things were going. Although he was tired of scheming, he still wasn't going to give up on Cuddy.

House was signing off on Mr. Morris' chart when Nurse Jeffery joined him at the nurse's station. "Yo mama needs a CT scan." House pointed to Mr. and Mrs. Morris leaving the hospital, but more specifically at Mrs. Morris' crotch.

Nurse Jeffrey's face contorted for a few seconds just before turning into a mischievous smile. "And HR needs another strike against you."


	15. Chapter 15

Cuddy was sitting at her desk twisting and stretching a rubber band around her hands and wrists. For the past two hours she had been in her office waiting for House and thinking about how she was going to deal with him after he was done with clinic duty.

There was a hard knock at her office door.

House entered and closed the door behind him. "You wanted to _please_ me boss?"

Cuddy looked up from her desk and stared at House. He was casually standing about fifteen feet away from her wearing a white lab coat, ironed collared blue shirt and striped blue silk tie. A stethoscope was also fashioned around the back of his neck. She tried to focus in on his face, but her eyes kept wandering all over his body.

House's body was incredibly sexy. His long, lean frame and muscular arms practically begged her to be in his embrace. His salt and peppered stubble was irresistible to the touch and her fingers longed to run through his hair and claw at his back.

Yes. He was perfect. His body was perfect, perfect for her—designed for her with him in mind between the sheets, between her legs. But there was more to him besides his sexual prowess and strong physical features. He was the only man who can challenge her, stimulate her with his intellect and reckless behavior.

But she needed to be in control and hide her true feelings from him. Not because he was her employee. She was afraid of getting hurt and having him out of her life for good. So she always fought hard to resist him and his advances.

However, this time Cuddy was weak. She caved in almost immediately after House entered the room. They were alone again and she couldn't help herself. The man looked so damn good in that white coat.

Besides, it had always been a fantasy of hers to play "doctor" with the legendary doctor himself. It would have been ridiculous for her not to seek out again the ultimate pleasure that he had given her many times over last night.

House felt like a piece of meat the way that she was leering at him.

"What's with the goo-goo eyes?"

"I've been waiting for you," she said in a low voice. Cuddy got up from behind her desk and sat back down on the couch. "Why don't you come over here and let me varnish your cane."

House snorted. "I thought I was the only one allowed to make euphemisms around her. "

She continued to glance at him with a wry grin and padded the cushion next to her on the couch.

He cautiously approached her and sat beside her. "But, if you insist, don't let me stop you."

Cuddy placed her index finger on his chest and moved it up and down the length of his torso. "I swear I've been wanting to boff your brains out all day. I can't even focus on doing any work."

"I knew you would come to your senses." House got up and began to remove his lab coat.

"No! Leave it on," Cuddy demanded.

"Okay. But, I get to take off my pants, right? I mean this is going to be a romp in the hay and not a dry hump thing?"

"No, you don't get to take off your pants. _I_ get to take your pants off." Cuddy placed her fingers under the waistband of his dark denim jeans and pulled him toward her. She stared straight into his crystal blue eyes, bit her lower lip and slowly unsnapped his buttoned fly.

House nervously laughed. "If this is some quid pro quo deal, where you get off while I get clinic duty off and my rocks off, then I'm…"

She grabbed his stethoscope around his neck and drew him in closer. "Less talking and more doing!"

He placed his arms around her and kissed her sensuously. His fingers gradually found their way into her hair, massaging her temples, literally loosening her up. Then he swung her around so she was no longer facing him and pressed his hard member against the small of her back.

A warm pool of heat swirled in Cuddy's abdomen as House swept her locks aside and slowly trailed tender kisses down the nape of her neck to her collarbone. He fondled her left breast with one hand and fumbled with her belt in the other. The belt fell to the ground along with Cuddy's skirt.

House mumbled into her ear in between kisses while caressing both breasts, "Hmm…I don't want Patti to get jealous. She deserves just as much attention as Selma." His hands gradually slid down her sides and grasped the end of her black blouse.

Cuddy lifted her arms up as he pulled it over her head revealing a sexy sheer black lace bra. She grabbed his hand and guided him back over to her desk, then hiked up her skirt and bent over with her legs far apart.

House leaned over her and…

He waved his hand in front of her face.

"Hello? Earth to Cuddy, are you there?"

"Hmm?" Cuddy was lost in her thoughts. She had been sitting behind her desk the whole time staring off into space while her imagination ran wild.

He cleared his throat. "_I said_, you wanted to see me boss? I'm done with clinic. What do you want?"

"House, we need to talk about your inappropriate behavior." She began to raise her voice. "What the hell did you think you were doing this morning?"

"Let's see…this morning? This morning I think I was doing _you_."

"I meant two hours ago. Here. In my office with Wilson and Mr. Koybayashi."

"Oh yeah. Sure, I'll answer that as long as you answer my question first. Just what the hell did you think_ you_ were doing this morning? How was last night a mistake?"

"House, we are not going to do this right now. Not at work. Not now. Not ever. Trust me, it won't happen again."

"Oh, but it will, Cuddy. It happened in med school and it happened three times last night. And if it wasn't for my idiot neighbor threatening to call the cops it could've happened _all _night. "

He popped the lid off his Vicodin bottle and threw a couple of pills down his throat. "Want some? You're probably feeling a little sore yourself."

Cuddy didn't answer him.

"So, we're back to the silence treatment, are we?" He shook his head. "You really have no clue what you want or need. You can tip-toe around this all you want, but I'm done playing your games." House limped toward the office door.

Cuddy called out to him, "House, wait! I'm not finished with you."

He grasped the handle and started to twist it.

"Put this on."

"It's not a paper bag, is it? 'Cause last I heard they're out of those at the pharmacy thanks to that last clinic patient I just saw."

He turned around to face Cuddy.

She was holding a lab coat in her hand.

"Let me guess. You want to assign more clinic hours and now expect me to wear that stupid lab coat as part of my punishment too."

"Not exactly."


	16. Chapter 16

Wilson charged into Cuddy's office and startled her. He didn't even knock or say a word before he entered the room.

Cuddy was at her desk apparently on an important phone call when he barged in.

She held up a finger and stopped him from talking. "Yes. Be sure to administer his radiation-monitoring badge before he starts work on Monday. Okay. Great."

She hung up the phone.

Wilson surveyed the room and Cuddy. There were paperclips, pens and papers scattered all around Cuddy's desk and on the floor. She had kicked off her shoes and loosened a couple buttons down her blouse. But even though she appeared fairly relaxed, she looked flustered and uncomfortable at the same time.

"What happened?" He pointed to the mess.

"I couldn't find a stapler."

He got down on all fours and began collecting a small stack of papers. "Here, let me help."

"No! No! That's okay. Just leave it. I'll make House clean it up." She flinched a little and repositioned herself in her chair. "It's another way I can punish him in addition to his clinic hours, right?"

"Speaking of House…that's why I'm here. I'm concerned about him, Cuddy. He's been acting weird. He showed up at the hospital three hours before he normally would come in and immediately went to clinic—not to take a nap or watch his soaps—but to actually _do_ clinic. It's not like him."

"What can I say? I gave him an ultimatum yesterday about improving his bedside manner and overall asinine behavior." She wriggled in her chair. "He obviously respected me enough and followed my orders."

Wilson quickly shunned her response. "No, that can't be it. Come to think of it. " He pointed a finger at her. "You've been acting oddly too. Is there something going on between you and House?"

"_House_? _With me_?" She laughed. "Wilson, you must be smoking some of those wonder joints you prescribe to your patients."

"Cuddy, what the hell happened last night? You so happen to come in late to work and miss the grand opening of the Peds wing all because of some dumb, non-existent cat?"

Cuddy's eyes widened.

"Yes Cuddy, I know you don't have a pet cat."

"Wilson, I can assure you, there is nothing going on between House and me."

"Why not? You're both single, attractive. And the _only_ two people I know who can put up with each other."

"Well, I can give you dozens of reasons why it would never work."

Wilson folded his arms across his chest.

"What? You want one right now? Okay." Cuddy thought for a moment. "I'm not his type."

"Not his type? You've got brains, nice tatas, an ass that won't quit…"

Cuddy grimaced. "Wilson. You're really freaking me out."

"Um, for the record, those were House's words not mine." Wilson sat down across from her. "You like him. You've _always_ liked him. I mean, he should have been fired a long time ago. Yet you keep him so you can be near him, and have him in some capacity of your life. Why not pursue things with House?"

"Well for starters, I'm not inflatable." She shifted in her chair again.

Wilson chuckled. "Or a fuzzy bunny rabbit."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." He got up from his chair and spotted a cane on the floor. "Hey, isn't that House's?"

"No!" Cuddy tried to think fast. "It's…it's…it's for his birthday…Yeah…And I thought it would make the perfect gift, don't you think? I found it in an antique shop."

"It's nice. But his birthday isn't until another six months." Wilson examined it a bit more closely. "And if I'm not mistaken, I think he already has one like this."

Cuddy gripped the sides of her desk and leaned forward. "Yes. Yes. You're absolutely right."

He squinted his eyes at her. "Are you feeling okay? You look flushed."

Her words came out a little too rapidly. "I'm fine. I'm FINE. I'M FINE!" She took in a deep breath and regained her disposition. "It's just a little hot in here. That's all."

Wilson couldn't help but notice Cuddy's blouse. Her nipples were rock hard and protruding underneath the fabric. "I'd think it's rather the opposite."

"What's with the twenty questions anyway, Wilson? I have lot of work to do." Cuddy picked up the phone receiver off her desk.

He slowly backed up. "Yeah. Right. I'm just going to…"

He chucked a thumb at the door and then stepped out of her office.

"Do you think he suspected anything?" House crawled out from underneath her desk and snorted. He got on his knees, gripped the edge of the desk, hoisted himself up from the floor and then adjusted his lab coat. He licked his lips then shoved his index and middle finger simultaneously into his mouth, slowly pulling them in and out. "Mmm…mmm. That was some delicious pie, Miss Cuddy."

She glared at him. "I thought you had locked the door."

"Oops." House blushed. "Well, I didn't think we were _actually_ going to do the wild thing. I thought you were all talk. But, I'll tell you what." He slid his hand down her arm, grasped her hand in his and kissed it sweetly. "I'll make it up to you. Since I'm still hungry for some pie, I'll go lock the door and have a plate of seconds."

She smiled. "You mean your appetite is still not satiated?"

House locked the door. "What that?" He pointed to her desk. "That was nothing. I mean, my tongue got a good workout but _I know_ you were wanting more than a five knuckle shuffle."

He placed his hand under his nose and inhaled her scent all over his fingers, instantly arousing him again. "Come on." He laughed quietly. "You can't expect me to walk out like this?"

Cuddy eyes grew at the sight of the pitched tent in his jeans. "Well, I suppose you can hang out in here for another…hour or two." She moved closer to him, rubbed her hand over his groin and then kissed his sensual lips.

Laughter suddenly erupted in Cuddy's gut. "I'm sorry. But, I have something to ask you before I forget. What is the story with the bunny suit?"

"Nothing."

Cuddy made a face. "Really?"

"Really. I rented it about a few days ago and to see if I could win the award for the lamest costume at a party. I just so happened to have it in the trunk of my car because I had to return it back to the costume shop in order to avoid a hefty late charge."

"But, you still have it in your possession."

"Trust me. The fifty bucks I have to cough up for returning it a day late or so is so worth the price for fucking with him some more."

"Oh? So, you're going to return it today, huh?"

House grinned and intertwined her hand with his. "Cuddy, I didn't know you were so kinky. I'm starting to like this side of you."

She pushed him onto the couch and pressed her thigh into his groin. "You're so easy."

House's cell phone vibrated in his front denim pocket against her.

Cuddy laughed. "Wow. It can do _that_ too?"

He waggled his brows. "You'd be amazed at what else it can do."

House pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID, rolling his eyes. "This better be important."

Chase was on the other end of the phone. "We have a case. A guy was brought into the emergency room with flu-like symptoms—fever, nausea, muscle aches, vomiting, and swollen lymph nodes—but he doesn't have the flu. The patient also shows signs of…"

House hung up the phone and frowned.

Cuddy mirrored his sad expression. "You have a case?"

"Two actually. A case from the ER and now another serious case of blue balls."


	17. Chapter 17

House addressed his team. "Forty-nine year old Caucasian male presented with fever, headache, vomiting, joint and muscle pain upon arriving to the ER. Okay, this doesn't sound very interesting. You interrupted me—I mean—paged me for this? What else do we have?"

"He's got a rash now," Taub said in a small voice.

House yawned. "What else?"

Chase opened the file and cleared his throat. "Mr. Chris Oliva is a business consultant for a large corporation. He travels a lot for his job, sometimes out of the country. He just came back from a trip with his wife when he started feeling ill."

Thirteen added, "He says his wife was concerned about the stress he was undergoing at work and insisted he cash out some PTO, go on a vacation excursion, since he was capped out and no longer accruing anymore time. He's been to three different countries in the last two weeks."

House closed his file folder and placed it on the desk. "These symptoms can be a number of things. Find out where he went and where he's been to."

"We should start by testing him for STD's. I think he may be immunocompromised." Taub looked at the other team members. "Did you see the way his wife was undressing me with her eyes?"

House laughed. "You're kidding, right? You?"

"I don't want to brag but I get a _little somethin' somethin'_ from time to time with the ladies, "Taub suavely pointed out.

"Are we still talking about STD's because if we are, then I agree with your last statement?"

Taub made a face.

House sat up from behind the desk. "Okay, find out where he's been to and _in_ to."

Thirteen jabbed, "Come on you guys, I'm _sure_ Taub does well with the ladies. I mean _who _wouldn't want to sleep with a short, balding, nebbish man with a history of cheating and a small…bank account?"

Taub folded his arms and looked extremely annoyed. "Okay, whatever. Can we get back to the patient?"

"By the way, how was the wife?" House winked at Taub.

"Is that supposed to be funny? Look, I've slept with a lot of women but never cheated with the married ones."

"I thought my question was pretty much self-explanatory." House repeated his question again, this time very slowly. "How was the wife? Is she sick?"

"Oh? Well, his wife…"

Wilson walked into his office carrying half a cup of fresh brewed coffee. He was startled to find House and his team in _his_ office, so startled that he almost spilled the hot beverage on himself.

"House! What the hell?"

House made an innocent face at Wilson. "What? I needed a place to do the DDX and a change of scenery." He looked back at his team. "Foreman, do a CBC and Chest X-Ray. Chase and Thirteen check the patient's home. Taub go to clinic and log in a couple of hours for me." He focused on Taub. "And next time, page me only when we have a real case."

Taub whined as they left Wilson's office. "Why does he always have to pick on me?"

"What do you mean?" Thirteen laughed and patted the top of his head. "Don't you know you're his favorite?"

Wilson closed his office door and pressed House, "Seriously, what are you doing here? Are you hiding from Cuddy again?"

"No. There's a rumor going around that you're concerned about me. So, I thought I'd beat you to the punch and tell you directly that there is nothing to worry about. I'm fine."

House pulled out his Vicodin bottle and unscrewed the cap. He shook two tablets in his hand and tossed them in the air. He looked up and opened his jaw before catching the pills in his hand again and not in the back of the throat. He placed them back in his prescription bottle and then placed it back in the pocket of his leather jacket.

He wasn't in pain. As a matter of fact, he wasn't in _any_ pain. His leg felt fine.

Wilson squinted his eyes at him. "Are you sure there's nothing new with you?"

"Well, I guess you'll find out eventually." House smirked. "It's about Cuddy…and…"

"I know."

He took a sip of his coffee. "You do?"

"Yes. She wants me to make a move on her and ask her out and obviously confided in you."

House nearly choked on his coffee and coughed. "What gave you that impression?"

Wilson pointed a finger to his chest. "I _know _women, House."

"Yes, your record of three failed marriages proves that fact."

"Cuddy was practically throwing herself at me earlier in her office."

"I really doubt that."

"House, you weren't there."

"Yeah, you're right. How would I know anyway? It's not like I was hiding under her desk or anything." House snickered and put his arm Wilson. "You should go for it pal."

"Thanks. Wish me luck."

"You're not going to ask her out right now?"

"No. I have a plan."

Hours had passed. House and his team—mainly his team—were trying to solve their latest case. He tried to distract himself with work, but he couldn't focus on anything. Cuddy kept entering his mind.

And then she entered his office.

House was sitting as his desk looking down concentrating on something. His arms were flexing and jerking back and forth. He looked up at her.

"Okay. You caught me. But it's not what it looks like. Sometimes I play with my…Gameboy when I'm bored stiff."

She looked at House and smiled. "Hey, I know something else that may peak your interest. Let's get out here."

He joked, "So, what now I'm your sex slave and chauffeur?"

"I don't have my car, remember? You have to take me home."

"I know. I just meant it's only four o'clock. Normally I sneak out around this time. You? You're always here morning till night. What's the big rush?"

Cuddy bit down on her lower lip and then licked them.

House grabbed his cane and jacket and followed her out of his office with a huge smile on his face.

The team stood outside Mr. Oliva's room.

Foreman stood beside Chase as he reported the test results to Thirteen and Taub. "CBC shows a decrease in platelet count and an increase in hematocrit. Chest x –ray revealed a pleural effusion."

Thirteen held out an empty prescription bottle in her hand. "We found several of these prescribed in his name hidden in a duffle bag in his hallway closet."

Foreman looked at the bottle. "Darvon? The FDA pulled this off the market last year."

"And his latest prescription was less than three months ago. Some quack doctor has been supplying him with these painkillers," Thirteen pointed out.

Taub spoke up. "Or possibly it could be some kind of infectious disease. Hep C? Or Q fever? They have a litter of cats. He could have come into contact with the bacterium while cleaning out the litter box."

They all entered the patient's room to check his status.

Mr. Oliva was fast asleep in his room. His wife was a few feet away from him resting on a small cushioned chair.

She was a pleasant, kind looking woman in her mid-fifties. But it was immediately apparent that time hadn't been kind to her. She looked at least twenty years older than her husband with her sagging, wrinkled skin and haggard face.

Mr. Oliva's snores whistled softly through his teeth. His right arm poked out from under the scratchy cream-colored hospital blanket.

Chase peered closer to the patient's arm. "Turn on the lights."

Small red pinpoint marks were spread all over his skin. Chase looked at Foreman. "He's bleeding into his skin."

Foreman pulled the blanket to determine if the marks were localized.

The patient woke up and blindly reached for the blanket.

His wife awoke too. "What the problem?" she asked.

Thirteen looked at Mr. Oliva. "Are you feeling okay?" The patient's eyes had a yellow tinge to them. "His liver is failing."

Suddenly his eyes rolled back in his head and he shook violently.

"Hold him down!" Forman called out to the nurses outside of the room, "He's seizing. Somebody call House!"


	18. Chapter 18

A bare-chested House pulled his cell phone out of his leather jacket and glanced at the caller ID. It was Taub. He rolled his eyes and turned his cell off just before placing it on her nightstand.

He had just left the hospital with Cuddy and drove her back to her house. He walked her to her doorstep.

She invited him in for coffee…

…and some delicious pie.

House continued removing his clothes and discarded them in a pile near her bathroom door.

Cuddy had raced him to the shower and, of course, won.

She stood in front of her showerhead and turned it on to hot. She placed a loofa under the water stream and lathered up some shower gel between her hands. Thick white foam appeared as she washed it over her chest. Then the frothy mass of bubbles slowly descended from her breasts to her pulsating mound.

House opened the shower door and inhaled the aroma in the room. "Mmm…citrusy on the nose with a blush of toasted coconut."

She smiled as she turned around to face him, and placed her arms around his torso then pressed her lower body and lips to his.

With his eyes closed, he slid one hand down her buttocks while his other hand caressed Cuddy's cheek, fingertips tangled in her hair. He looked blissful and was completely lost in her kiss.

Tongues parted ways as the kiss finally ended.

House reached for the loofa beside her. "Turn around."

Cuddy obeyed and immersed herself under the water again while facing the tiled shower wall.

He came up from behind her and grabbed the shower sprayer nozzle. He placed one hand on the middle of her back and planted soft kisses on her shoulder blades and nape of her neck. He gently glided his other hand up and down her back while dousing her with the shower sprayer.

Then House exchanged the sprayer for a loofa. He moved the loofa along the surface of her back and created a sudsy soap canvas. With the tips of his fingers, he wrote a message. It began with the letter "I", followed by the shape of a heart, and ended with a "U."

Cuddy giggled. "What are you doing? That tickles." She pivoted her head around to meet House's lips and they kissed again, this time with more passion and vigor.

House sucked her right earlobe and embraced her front, cupping his hands over her breasts and massaging them in slow circular motions, occasionally lightly pinching her nipples. One of his hands crept down her side and over to her abdomen. Feather light fingers traced around her navel then hovered over her groin.

Cuddy's spine tingled as he rubbed her most sensitive spot. Her head flew back as soft moans escaped from her mouth. It amazed her how well he knew her body. He knew all the right buttons to push and then some.

"Let's continue this in the bedroom." Cuddy turned the shower off and grabbed a large, fluffy towel resting on the pedestal sink and exited the shower.

House followed her lead, hugged her by the waist and kissed her as Cuddy playfully slapped him with the towel. "Again with the hitting?"

She smiled at him and raised her brows up and down. "Just you wait."

Cuddy grabbed his hand and guided him to her bed.

He flexed his left leg onto the bed, releasing all the weight and pressure off his bad leg. Then he embraced her lower back and gently pushed her into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. He eased into her and kissed her. His tongue whirled around her mouth as she stroked his engorged length.

House broke the kiss and looked into her eyes. They revealed so much love and words unspoken. His heart began to race. "Wow. You are _so_ beautiful."

She jested, "You're only saying that 'cause you want to sleep with me…again."

He kissed her. "_No_, you really are. I am amazed by your beauty."

"You're not going to get all mushy with me?"

"No, _you're_ going to get all mushy with me." His hand gravitated to her groin. "I see you're already there."

He flipped her over on the bed until she was on all fours. He came from behind and grabbed her hips then entered her. His thrusts were painfully slow and long, he was torturing her and relishing every moment.

She grabbed her metal-framed headboard with both hands. As he increased his pace, she had to grip the bars tighter with each penetrating force.

Cuddy's moans became louder trying to compete with squeaky bed sounds. The headboard clashed with the wall causing picture frames to hang askew or fall off completely.

The bed rhythmically cracked and creaked as House continued pumping her while rubbing her in all the right places with his hand. The legs of the bed flexed and lifted a couple of inches off the ground, pounding on the hardwood floor.

She gripped the frame tighter and tighter. Beads of sweat surfaced on her forehead and sweaty palms nearly lost their grip while her knuckles turned white. Pleasure coursed and rippled inside and outside her entire body. She was in ecstasy.

They both screamed in unison as he filled her womb.

House fell back supine on a bevy of pillows with one arm behind his head. Rivulets of sweat covered his naked body. He was breathing hard, trying to catch his breath.

Cuddy could barely move. She was able to, however, prop her arm on the bed and support her head. She stared at him with a crooked smile.

He had a weird look on his face.

"What?" Cuddy asked.

House tried to hold back a smile. "Wilson is going to ask you out. So, be sure to let him down gently."

"He's going _to what_?"

He began to laugh. "Apparently, he thought _you _were flirting with him earlier in your office."

"Are you serious? I never said anything or…"

"Cuddy, that was when I was…you know, in your office, under the desk and…" House gesticulated with his fingers at his mouth and stuck his tongue out, wiggling it about in the air.

Cuddy blushed. "Oh."

"Yeah, _oh_."

She lightly punched him in the arm. "Well, you don't have to be so graphic. Besides, I like Wilson. I'm not going to _let him_ down gently." Her voice got lower. "I'm going to _lay him_ down and…"

"You better just stop or you're gonna get it." House straddled her lower body and pinned her against the bed.

Cuddy squirmed beneath him as he tickled her senseless. She tried to grab his arms, but he was too strong and fast. Her sides ached and she was ready to beg for mercy.

They wrestled on the bed some more when suddenly they heard a strange creaking sound and froze. The mattress shifted slightly, teetered and then the metal bed frame unexpectedly gave way and collapsed to the floor with a huge thud.

House burst out laughing as Cuddy giggled and rolled on top of him. She tried to string a sentence together between panted breaths. "Oh…my…God! I…can't…believe we...broke the bed."

His laughter echoed in the room and then momentarily ceased. He stared off into space with a curious look in his eye. He was having an epiphany. He repeated the latter half of Cuddy's sentence. "Broke the bed…broke the bed. Broke…break." He reached for his cell phone on the nightstand and called Foreman.

House immediately spoke on the line as soon as Foreman picked up the phone. "Breakbone fever also known as Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever."

Forman pressed the speakerphone button as the other team members gathered around the phone. "Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever? But the patient said he has never traveled to the Asian continent or…"

House interrupted him. "Yes. But he mentioned he's been to other places. Where?"

Taub rubbed his forehead. "Uh, he went on a business trip to Spain and Portugal two weeks ago. And he and his wife just came back from vacationing in Puerto Rico."

"Aha! There's your answer. Puerto Rico," House replied. "Outbreaks have been reported there and documented since the 1960's."

Chase concurred. "Yes. His symptoms shortly occurred after they came home from their trip. It makes perfect sense."

Taub whined, "But his wife hasn't shone any symptoms? They were together all the time. What are the odds of her not getting bit by the Aedes mosquito?"

"He may have very well been one of those unlucky bastards that was in the wrong place at the wrong time and doesn't like to wear insect repellent," Thirteen chimed in.

House continued, "Treat with oxygen therapy, platelet transfusions and continue with IV fluids. Then check for any residual brain or liver damage." He hung up the phone.

House got up from the fallen mattress and box spring and looked at Cuddy. "I should probably go."

Her face saddened. "Oh?"

"I mean go to the hospital. I have to make sure the prognosis is correct. Besides, if I don't get this case solved, you know they're going to be calling me for help _all_ night." He gathered his clothes. "You should come too. Not to the hospital, but to my place. I'll drop you off. Oh, wait. You have your car. Here take my key."

House removed his apartment key from his key ring and handed it to Cuddy. "Come on, you can't say 'no' to my sturdy, solid framed bed. And mostly because I don't want to be alone." He intertwined his hand in hers, grazing his thumb along hers. "Stay with me tonight."


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N Remember Huddy is endgame. I repeat, HUDDY is ENDGAME! Now, let's try to forget about last night's finale and move on with the story…_

House and Cuddy pulled up to his apartment. He walked her to the door and handed her his key. "Wait up for me?"

She nodded.

He kissed her sweetly and walked back to his car headed en route to the hospital.

Cuddy entered his apartment and set her purse down on the entry table. She walked around browsing at all the stuff that occupied his space.

A stockpile of DVDs near his television caught her eye. She sifted through the titles and mumbled, "Seen it. Seen it. Seen it. Have it. Have it. Seen it."

They were all porno flicks.

House's iPod was next to his "movies". She turned it on and shuffled through his music tracks. She was quite surprised that he had such eclectic taste, everything ranging from Public Enemy to the B-52's to Leonard Cohen to Judy Garland.

She placed the headphones on her ears and selected Garland's "Get Happy" as she headed toward the kitchen. She opened the cupboards and refrigerator, snooping around to find something to eat. In the freezer, behind his freezer-burned ice cream was a small, unmarked Styrofoam container. She reached for it and popped the lid off.

More ice cream.

Cuddy stuck her index finger in it, scooped out a sliver and placed it in her mouth. "Mmm…Limoncello." She then grabbed a spoon and headed back to the living room couch.

After eating a few spoonfuls of ice cream, Cuddy couldn't help but notice an old book sticking out amongst the other books on his bookcase. She glanced at the spine and nearly dropped the ice cream all over the floor. It was a very rare, first edition text of her great-grandfather's book, _The Approach to the Acute Abdomen_ by Ernst T. Cuddy M.D.

Cuddy carefully removed the book from the shelf and sat back down with her legs folded toward her body on his leather couch. As soon as she opened the book a myriad of folded pieces of paper fell out. She set the ice cream aside and retrieved one of the papers off of the floor. It was a flyer from a party dated back when they were in Med School with her name and number scrawled across it.

She picked up a couple more pages of what looked like sheet music penned in his own hand. At the top of each page the words, "Cuddy's Serenade" were written. She safely placed the papers back into the book and clutched it tightly to her chest.

Her heart was aching for House to hurry back home.

House arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes later and encountered his ducklings in the corridor outside the room of their latest case. "How's the patient? Is he responding to treatment?"

"Yes. His prognosis is looking better. " Chase looked confused. "House, what are you doing here?"

House mocked, "I work here, remember?"

"Is this supposed to be a test or one of your sick games? You already came up with the correct diagnosis."

"No. I don't know. I mean, there's something more to this case." He peered through the glass walls of the patient's room. "Wait. I thought you said his wife wasn't sick."

Taub responded, "She's not."

"Then what do you call that?" House pointed to a young Hispanic woman in her mid twenties with brown long wavy hair, sitting next to Mr. Oliva's bedside and holding his hand.

She was casually dressed in a Puma navy velour jogging suit, sneakers and sported a pony tail. Although she was strikingly beautiful, at the moment she looked awful, ill stricken. Ringlets of dark hair stuck to her clammy forehead.

She slightly shivered as House opened the sliding glass door to the patient's private room and spoke through chattering teeth. "Doctor, is he going to be okay?"

"Yes, but I'm more worried about you." House turned his attention to Mr. Oliva. "I think your wife may have the same thing you have."

"_Wife_? _I'm his wife_!"

The whole room turned their attention behind them to a frowning older woman holding a bouquet of flowers.

"_She's the maid!"_

Mr. Oliva raised his arms in defense. "Honey, it's not what it looks like. It's not what you think!"

She cackled, "Finally, it's _all _making sense. The late meetings, long business trips, dirty wrinkled sheets…you promised me you'd never cheat on me again! And yet, here we are! I'm done Chris! When you get discharged, be sure to find all of your dirty laundry and belongings scattered across the lawn because you're out of the house!"

Mrs. Oliva threw her wedding ring at him. "On second thought, it's over." She struck him on the side of his head then tossed the bouquet of flowers on the ground and stomped out of the room in a melodramatic manner.

House looked at the patient stupidly. "Oops. I guess you won't want these." He picked up the flowers from the floor and glanced back at his team. "Give him more fluids, the a name of a good lawyer, and start treatment on the maid."

Forman called after House as he rushed to the door. "Why are you in such a big hurry?"

"The case is solved, right? You don't need me anymore. You're big boys."

House looked at Taub.

"Well, two out of three ain't bad." He paused. "What? I have a date, okay?" He turned on his heel and left the room to go back to his apartment and be with Cuddy.

Thirteen shook her head. "Does he seriously believe a night with a hooker qualifies as a date? If that's his idea of a relationship then I can say my vibrator is my alternative boyfriend."

Foreman grinned and nodded while both Taub and Chase's eyes popped open.

"Oh please, don't give me that look. Every woman has one."

When House arrived at his place, he discovered Cuddy fast asleep on his classic lounge chair clothed in one of his T-shirts. He chuckled to himself when he saw an empty tipped over container of his specially made liqueur ice cream on the floor.

Her left arm hung off the chair and dangled a couple of inches off the ground. A big spoon was still loosely clutched in her hand with the tip of it dipped into a small puddle of melted ice cream.

House set the flowers down and grabbed a mustard fringed chenille throw off the couch and draped it over her body, then prepared to get ready for bed.

A blaring car alarm startled Cuddy from her slumber. She glanced at the clock on the mantel. It was seven twenty-two in the morning. She had been there all night on his living room chair. _Where was House?_

She sat up and stretched, placing her bare feet on the floor and was surprised to find a mountain of flower petals pooled beneath her feet, trailing off to another location. She followed the path of brightly colored pink tulip petals on the hardwood floor, past his hallway to his closed bedroom door.

A small arrangement of flowers bound with medical tape rested in front of the door. She picked up the flowers than noticed a piece of paper adhered to the door with the same medical tape.

A couple of sentences were scribbled across the page. It read, "Some tulips for you my dear, in exchange for your two lips. And when I mean two lips…I really mean your beautiful mouth."

Just below that in smaller text, "Okay and your vagina too."

Cuddy laughed silently, ripped the paper off the door then opened it. She found House tucked under the covers quietly snoring away. She studied him while he was deep in sleep.

A naked arm was stretched out across the mattress and thrust under the pillow next to him. His stubble was thicker and darker. He looked extremely sexy and vulnerable at the same time.

House stirred in his sleep as Cuddy stealthily pulled back the comforter and sheets.

She crawled into his bed hovering over his boxer brief clad body. She began gliding her body up his left calf to his thigh leaving behind a glittery snail trail along the surface of his good leg.

He slowly opened his eyes. And smiled when he met her face. "Hmm…Good morning."

"Good morning." She mirrored his smile then kissed him sweetly. "How come you didn't wake me up?"

"I didn't want to disturb you. I thought I was being polite."

She enveloped his body. "I missed you."

"Besides, we've been going at it like rabbits. I'm exhausted. You should be too. We probably only have less than five, maybe six hours of sleep under our belts between the last two nights."

"House, thank you for being considerate of my feelings. But, I wished you had woken me up anyway because I just wanted to be with you, in the same bed, in your warm embrace, lulling me back to a tranquil sleep." She yawned. "I didn't mean to fall asleep.

"Yeah, the ice cream probably didn't help you there either."

"You must have gotten back late. I…"

Suddenly there was a series of knocks at the front door.

Cuddy froze and looked at House. "Are you expecting anyone?"

"Shoot! Yeah. A hooker. My regular gal comes over here every Friday morning for a little nookie."

Cuddy's eyes widened.

"Relax. I'm joking."

She sighed relief.

"She's comes here every _Saturday_ morning."

Cuddy's eyes grew wide again.

House burst out laughing. "No, I'm _still _joking. I haven't the faintest idea who that could be."

Cuddy slapped the side of his arm. "Ass."

"Wait! Maybe it's…"

House practically jumped out of his bed and grinned. "Yes! I've been waiting for my '42 Gibson J50 Banner to arrive!"

"A what?"

"A very cool, vintage blues guitar. I won it on eBay about two weeks ago."

The knocking continued.

"I'll be right back." House pulled on a pair of baggy pajama pants, grabbed his cane and rushed to the door. He immediately frowned when he opened it.

It was _Wilson_.


	20. Chapter 20

"Oh. Hello, Wilson." House scowled and leaned his body against the doorframe, blocking the entrance to his apartment.

Wilson rolled his eyes and mimicked House's voice. "So happy to see you too, House. Were you expecting somebody else?"

"Yeah, your mom," he said matter-of-factly. "She's pretty hot, you know."

"Was that supposed to be a dig? I'll have you know that a lot of people say that my mother is a very lovely, handsome woman."

"Handsome? Woof." House laughed.

Wilson made a face. "I've been told that I'm the spitting image of her."

"Okay, I guess a small fraction of the population might find bushy caterpillar eyebrows sexy. I mean your dad did, right?" He snorted.

Wilson ignored House's last comment and tried to squeeze his way past him. "Hey, can I come in? It's kind of chilly out here."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because, I'm busy. Like I said, your mom is going to be here any…"

"House, shut up and let me in. I need to talk to you."

"Okay, let me think about it." House waited a beat. "Nope. Answer is still no."

Cuddy heard Wilson's voice and crawled out of House's bed, wrapping his thick goose down comforter around her body. She inched her way toward the bedroom door and eavesdropped on their conversation.

House heard the floor creak in his bedroom and suspected Cuddy was about to encounter his best friend at the door. He spoke loudly and slowly, stressing every syllable so that Cuddy could hear him. _"So Wilson, what brings you here…to my apartment…so early in the morning_?"

Wilson cupped his ears. "Why are you shouting?"

"I am? Sorry. I'm certainly not trying to _annoy you_ like the way you are annoying me right now."

"House, would you let me in already?"

"Sorry. You didn't ask nicely."

"Stop playing around." Wilson rubbed his leather-gloved hands vigorously together trying to warm them. "Come on, I'm going to freeze my balls off out here." He lifted a small brown paper bag set aside near the door trying to entice House to change his mind. "I brought bagels and coffee."

His persistence and free breakfast eventually paid off. House moved away from the door and granted Wilson access into his apartment.

"On one condition. If I let you in for five minutes, will you promise to go away after that?"

"Yes." Wilson scanned the room as he crossed the threshold. "Whoa!" His eyes grew big. He fumbled with the coffee cups in his hand and dropped the hot beverage all over his pants. "Holy shit!

House panicked. "_What_?" He looked behind him and was relieved to not see a half-naked Cuddy. Instead he saw the evidence of a woman's presence. Black high-heeled shoes, a sexy red thong in the hallway and flower petals scattered all around the floor. He was hoping Wilson didn't see Cuddy's things.

Wilson removed a glove and placed it over his crotch, trying to absorb the spilled coffee. "Do you have a towel or something?" He looked back up at House. "House, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt anything. Were you entertaining anyone?"

House snarked, "Yeah, I was. Me. Well, my right hand actually. But then you ruined it. I'm not in the mood anymore." He looked at his hand and apologized to it, "Sorry."

"Stop acting like an ass." Wilson pointed to Cuddy's thong and shoes, "Whose are those?"

"They're mine." He limped over to Cuddy's thong, grabbed it off the floor and placed it into the pocket of his pajama pants. Then walked over to the bathroom and grabbed a towel for Wilson. He saw Cuddy peering through his bedroom door and whispered to her, "I'm trying to get rid of him."

Cuddy was a vision in his rock T-shirt. She teasingly hiked it up, nearly revealing her lady parts. "Hurry."

House placed the towel in his mouth and whimpered. He then stalked back to his friend. "Wilson. Thanks for dropping by." He handed him the towel. "Here, you can dry off in your car or somewhere else—anywhere—but not here. Now go away."

Wilson wiped the towel over his crotch.

"Careful there. Just because I'm not happy to see you doesn't mean you have to be."

"House, those panties _aren't yours._ Stop deflecting and answer the damn question."

"Okay. They belong to a hooker."

Wilson continued to stare at him blankly.

House cringed and swallowed hard. "They're your mom's?"

"I'm not leaving until..."

"Fine! I'm sort of seeing someone."

"Anyone, I know?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

"Well?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Come on just give me a hint."

"I'll pass you a note later in gym class."

Wilson folded his arms.

House rolled his eyes. "Alright, it's someone at the hospital."

"That could be anyone."

"What do you want from me? I've got things to see, people to do."

"I get it. You're embarrassed. It's Nurse Brenda, isn't it?"

"Good God man! Are you insane? Please don't insult me. I wouldn't go near that woman if my life depended on it."

"So, then who is it?"

"Okay, I'll shell out more details. Also Jewish…Petite…"

"Cuddy?"

House held up his hand. "Let, me finish with the clues if you really want to find out." He cleared his throat. "Where was I? Right. Petite…Needy…Nosy….Balding…Dopey-lookin'…"

"Okay, now you're just messing with me."

"Yeah, I clearly described Tiny Taub to a tee." House paused for a bit and shifted gears. "Look, you'll find out who it is sooner or later. But I'd rather not say. We've only been seeing each other for a while, everything is going good and I don't want to ruin anything between us." He smiled.

"You sound happy."

"I am. Feels really weird though." House looked down at his watch-less wrist. "Well, will you look at the time?" He began shooing Wilson to the door. "You're five minutes are up, buddy."

"Wait. I'm not done yet. I came here because I need some advice."

"On what?"

"Cuddy."

House burst out laughing. "Cuddy?"

"Yeah, I'm planning on asking her out."

House continued laughing.

Wilson placed his hands on his hips. "What? What's so funny?"

"You! You're asking me for advice on what? Ways you can get her in the sack?"

"No, not exactly."

"You did! Why even ask me?"

"Well, you've known each other for a long time and it's no secret that you've slept with her."

House's laughter dissipated. "How? Wait." He shook his head. "Who…who told you?"

"Everybody knows. They've been talking about it at the hospital for years."

"Oh! You must be talking about back when Cuddy and I were at med school."

"What else would I be talking about?"

"Hate to say this, but I circulated that rumor a long time ago. You don't believe it do you?"

"No, but you also told me you and she…"

"Wilson, everybody lies. That includes me. If you're going to ask her out, you don't need my permission." House chucked a finger behind him. "As a matter of fact, you can do it right now. She's in the bedroom."

Wilson's eyes widened as he shook the cobwebs out. "Whoa. Wh…What?"

"Right, like Cuddy _has been_ really hiding _all this time_ in my bedroom naked and ready for me to do the Horizontal Boogaloo?" House nervously laughed.

Wilson smirked. "Yeah, right. Ridiculous!"

"Hey, you better go home and change your pants or you'll be late for work. You wouldn't want to make Cuddy upset before you pop the question, would you?"

"You're right. I better go. We'll talk later."

He winked at Wilson and patted him on the back. "You got it pal."

House walked him to the door and let him out. He blew out a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind. He finally got rid of Wilson.

He limped back to his bedroom and found Cuddy lying at the foot of his bed on her stomach with criss-crossed legs in the air, flipping through a book from his nightstand.

She suspiciously looked at House as he entered the room. "What was that all about?"

"That was Wilson. I thought we could screw with his head and keep our relationship under wraps. Besides, I want to see the expression on his face when he finds out about us firsthand." House looked into her eyes. "By the way, are we an 'us' now?"

"I think you know that answer. Now where were we?" Cuddy leaned into House and pursed her lips.

"I think we were…Mmm…"

He was cut off when Cuddy's lips pressed against his.

Suddenly, a persistent knock sounded at House's front door again.

House mumbled in between kisses, "He'll go away."

The knocking stopped.

"See, what did I tell you?" He trailed butterfly kisses down her cheek and began sucking on her earlobe.

Then the doorbell rang a few times followed by more knocking.

Cuddy broke apart from the kiss and lowered her head onto House's chest.

House bellowed, "I swear I'll fucking kill him!" He stomped on his way toward the door and swung it open. "What the fuck do you want now Wil…"

A pimply nineteen-year-old kid held out a clipboard and pen. His hand was slightly trembling. Beside him was a large package with presumably the guitar that House won on eBay packed inside of it.

House forced a smile. "Sorry. Thought you were someone else."

He signed off for the package and set it aside near the entryway table of his apartment then marched back to his bedroom.

Cuddy was partially dressed in her clothes, getting ready to leave.

House frowned. "What are you doing?"

"I really should go."

"No. Please, don't." He grasped his hand in hers and placed it near his heart, gently kissing it. "I promise, no more interruptions."

"I'm already late for work as it is and I can't go with the same outfit on again or pantyless for that matter. What will people say?" Cuddy looked around for a moment. "Have you seen my thong around here?"

"No."

She kissed him sweetly on the cheek. "I promise we'll pick up where we left off after work."

"Damn right we will!" He walked her to the door and kissed again one more time. "Wait."

"House."

"Breakfast is on me." He handed her the bag of bagels Wilson left behind. "You'll need the carb load for tonight."

"Thanks." She smiled and walked out to her car.

House pulled Cuddy's thong out of his pajama pocket and clenched them in his fist.

"Stupid Wilson!"


	21. Chapter 21

"You're sleeping with Cuddy."

"What?" House looked around him as he entered Wilson's office. "Are you talking to me?"

"She was at your place this morning."

"Cuddy? No, she wasn't."

Wilson glared at him from behind his desk. "Yes, she was! You can't fool me, House. Something is going on between the two of you."

"Besides hatred and loathing?"

Wilson rolled his eyes.

"Okay, _technically_ something happened last night with Cuddy."

"_I knew it_."

"But it's not what you think. I mean she came over my apartment last night and…and…"

"And?"

"And we looked deep into each other's eyes and…"

"And?"

"And then I pushed her up against a wall and…"

Wilson was on the edge of his seat. "And? For God's sake, spit it out."

"Actually she swallows."

"Wilson shook his head. What?"

"_You're_ the one asking for _all_ the details." House mimicked Wilson's voice. "And? And? And?"

"So…you had a good time?"

House snorted. "Yeah. Let's just that Cuddy would make one hell of a _Head_ Nurse," he pointed down at his crotch and winked, "because she was all about giving me some _serious_ southern comfort."

"And _she _had a good time too?"

"_I don't_ want to brag or anything but she made the "O" face at least a dozen or so times."

"_Wow! This is big House_!"

"Yeah, that's what she said."

"I meant, _you_ and _Cuddy._"

House corrected him. "_Technically, _Cuddy and I."

"I don't get it. Why do you keep saying _technically_? Either you hooked up or you didn't."

"Oh, our coupling happened last night. But, as Foremans's people would say, it wasn't for realz." He took in a deep breath. "I had a mouthful of Vicodin and hallucinated the whole damn thing."

"House, I'm not an idiot. Not only is that _the most_ ridiculous thing I ever heard but I haven't seen you pop a pill since I don't know when."

"Well, I might have to take some now because you're really being a big pain in the ass."

House shoved his hand in his coat pocket and retrieved his Vicodin.

He popped the lid off. "Don't believe me, huh? That's fine."

He then placed two pills in the palm of his hand.

Wilson waved his arms about. "Okay! Then explain the flowers, stilettos and panties that I saw in your apartment, Mister I Have An Answer For Everything."

"Easy." He cleared his throat. "Those belong to my inflatable friend, Deep Throat Debbie."

Wilson shook his head and looked disgusted.

"Hey, don't judge me. I can't be held responsible for my actions, especially when I'm in a miserable, lonely drug-induced state. Besides, making a habit of out seeing hookers on a weekly basis isn't cheap, you know?"

"Are you done lying? Because I know you and Cuddy are…"

"Fuck buddies? Friends with benefits?"

"House, I say it how I see it. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's probably…"

"A _quack_ doctor coming up with some bullshit theory and not believing his friend."

"Fine, House. Even if your hallucination story is true, nobody hallucinates having sex with their boss unless they _really want to_. Your subconscious is trying to tell you to go after Cuddy because you secretly desire her."

"_On my God_! Wilson if I _really_ wanted her, why would _I be here_ offering you advice on how to get Cuddy into bed?"

"What?"

"That's why I'm here. I can tell you _exactly_ what kind of man Cuddy is attracted to."

"Based on what, Sherlock? You told me this morning that you were all talk about knowing Cuddy in the biblical sense."

"Are you kidding me? I've sabotaged so many of her dates and have hacked into her computer so many times I can figure out what she likes and doesn't like in men." He cleared his throat. "It's elementary, my dear Watson."

"Okay, I'm listening."

"Apparently, we really don't know Cuddy at all. She may be a hard-ass at work, but she's a badass in bed. Based upon her web history alone, I can tell you she's really into some kinky S&M shit."

Wilson folded his arms.

"I know! I didn't believe it either. But the evidence is there. Go look for yourself."

Wilson stood up from behind his desk and headed for the door. "Fine. I'm going to see Cuddy, _right now_."

"Good, you go do that. I'll distract Cuddy while you sneak into her office. When you log on to her computer, you'll see that I'm not making any of this stuff up."

A mischievous smile crept up on House's face as he followed Wilson out of the office to the elevator bay.

House caught up with Wilson moments after he pressed the down elevator button. "By the way, her password is Party Pants."

The doors opened and they both stepped in.

Wilson looked straight ahead confidently and said, "Party Pants. Got it," as the doors closed.

As soon as they were off the elevator, House approached Cuddy. She was at the clinic nurse's station. He snuck up behind her. "Hey, I've got plans tonight."

She smiled. "Do they include me?"

House nonchalantly nodded his head signaling Wilson that the coast clear. "Absolutely."

Cuddy frowned. "Oh, wait. My sister."

"Huh?"

"I promised I'd meet up with after work."

House lowered his voice. "So blow her off so you can blow me off."

"House, I need to talk to her anyway. I have to tell her to stop meddling in my love life and setting me up with loser guys like Kevin."

"Yeah, your sister Julia must _really_ hate you."

Wilson ducked into Cuddy's office and ran to her computer. He logged in her password and looked over her web history. His jaw sank to the floor. There were searches for pornographic material and bookmarked pornographic sites as well.

Fear of getting caught snooping in her office, Wilson exited as quickly as he came in. He casually walked up to House and Cuddy who were heavily engrossed in a conversation.

Wilson interrupted. "House, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure."

They stepped into a corner while Cuddy walked back to her office.

Wilson whispered. "Oh my God! Locking restraints, leather slappers, harnesses, ball gags, _vibrating_ nipple clamps…"

"See? Told you!"

"You were right, House!"

"Actually, I _could_ be wrong about all of this. I mean all the men she seems to date look like a bunch of Shriners and not into that type of thing." House walked over to the clinic's exam room one and grabbed a patient's file next to the door. "Anyway, you still plan on asking her out?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'm sure the two of you will _hit_ if off." He looked over the patient's chart and laughed. "Sorry Wilson, I'd love to chat but I have to tell Cuddy's date that he contracted Herpes."

"What?"

"Be not afraid Wilson." He placed his hand on the doorknob and twisted it. "_I'm sure_ it wasn't from Cuddy."

House walked in on patient Kevin Schillinger. He was sitting on the examination table twiddling his thumbs wearing a red vintage "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt, belt-buckled acid washed jeans and gator boots.

House looked at Kevin. "Well, who do we have here?"

"It's Kevin, remember?"

"Right!" He snapped his fingers. "The famous actor. I've seen you at least a hundred times in that Anti-Diarrheal commercial! You're the guy clutching his stomach and running off to the bathroom every two seconds, right?"

"Yeah. But, I'm talking about when we met a few days ago at the big hospital function."

"Oh, right. So, what brings you here?"

"I came to return this." He held up Cuddy's jacket. "Lisa accidently left it in the car."

"You didn't need to schedule an appointment just for that." House paused for a moment. "Oh wait. I get it. You don't want to see Cuddy because you took off with my date, Melanie."

"Well…there's that and…something else." Kevin unbuckled his fake Gucci belt and unzipped his jeans. In one shift motion his jeans and tidy-whities came down around his ankles. "At first I thought I had jock itch, but now it hurts and burns when I pee."

House looked over at Kevin and tried to stifle a laugh—not because he knew Kevin would show up to the clinic sooner or later since his encounter with Melanie, but because Kevin had a very, _very small_ penis. And he couldn't shake the fact that if he hadn't schemed and intervened that night at the reception, Cuddy could have gone home with that knob.

House placed large latex gloves over his hands and examined the patient. "You have Herpes. Those sores and blisters are indicative of an STD."

"No, it has to be something else."

"Did you recently have unprotected sex?"

"Yes."

"It's Herpes."

"But could these blisters be caused from maybe…masturbating too much?"

"How often do you masturbate?"

"A lot."

"And by _a lot_ you mean…?"

"I pleasure myself every day."

"No, it's Herpes."

"Okay. Numerous times a day, every day," Kevin finally admitted.

"Pleasing yourself excessively can cause blisters on your hands and on your happy place, however with all of the symptoms you've been describing plus a night out with a hooker lead me to believe that you have been exposed to the virus."

"I think I need a second opinion."

"Sure, I can call someone in for a consult, if you'd like. I mean, why take my word for it? It's not like I'm a medical genius or a world-renowned diagnostician." He chuckled and stood up from his chair. "Please excuse for one minute."

House left the room and walked over to the nursing station. "Tell Dr. Cuddy that I need her right away in exam room one."

"Sure thing." The staff nurse picked up the phone and dialed Cuddy's extension. "Dr. Cuddy, this is Nurse Anne. Dr. House says it's urgent you see him right way in the clinic."

"Did he say what he needed?"

"No. But he was smiling. You better watch out. I think he's up to something."

"Thanks." Cuddy hung up the phone and tapped her nails on the desk.

Moments later she knocked on exam room one. As she entered her eyes immediately focused on Kevin's rather unimpressive manhood.

"Oh my God! I'm _so_ sorry." She quickly turned away so that Kevin wouldn't see her reaction. She was grinning wildly and had to bite her lip to hold in her laughter. "_I'm…so…sorry_."

"I've informed Kevin that he has Herpes. He wanted a second opinion."

"House! You don't need me in here for this."

"I was just trying to save him some time."

He looked back at Kevin. "Now, I can either swab your wee pee-pee and you can painfully wait another two to three days for the lab results—indicating that I was right in the first place—or you can go directly to the pharmacy, pick up a prescription and starting feeling better."

"I guess I'll take the meds."

"Excellent choice." He scribbled on the pad then taped the prescription to the middle of Kevin's T-shirt.

His shirt now read "I'm Stupid."

"Take this to the pharmacy around the corner."

Kevin pulled up his pants and bailed out of the room fast and embarrassed.

As the door shut behind them, Cuddy moved in closer to House. "Ooh, you were kind of rough on him. I liked it."

"Did you?" He smacked her butt then started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Wilson thinks you're in to bondage."

Cuddy pulled away from him. "Hmm…And _what _would make him think _that_?"

"Remember the other day when I messed with your computer mouse?"

Cuddy sarcastically remarked, "Gee, how can I forget? _You're_ hilarious."

"Well, that wasn't the only time I've been on your computer."

"_House!"_

"Don't worry, I promise we'll all laugh about it later."

He smiled and kissed her again.


	22. Chapter 22

Cuddy gripped the steering while tighter and thought about her evening with Julia. They were _supposed _to enjoy dinner and good conversation at one of Princeton's finest restaurants. But the evening fell apart almost as soon as it began.

Everything was amicable between them for the first twenty minutes. That is until the conversation reared its ugly head when Cuddy mentioned House's name and the implication of a romantic relationship between them.

Julia had made her feelings very clear about House in the past. She didn't like him. Period. And of course Julia—being the bitch that she was—had to act like a douche bag and ridicule and belittle her sister in a public setting. The restaurant stood still as she ran her mouth off at their table.

But, Cuddy got the last word in. Just before leaving the restaurant she told Julia, "And you think Kevin is a much better suitor than House? You're right Jules. Absolutely right! He's perfect. He's a big arrogant asshole with _the smallest_ penis I've ever seen on a grown man. My lipstick vibrator _is bigger_!" Her final words mixed with anger and sarcasm.

As Cuddy parked her car on driveway, she noticed something peculiar. The house was dark inside except for a flickering light coming from the draped family room window. She moved in closer and tried to peer through a small slit within the loose fabric. The only thing she could make out were jittery dancing shadows along the walls and nothing else. However, she could hear faint acoustic guitar chords coming from inside. Her bad mood began to slowly drift away.

Cuddy walked back to her front door and let herself in. There were candles lit everywhere. Hundreds of different kinds of candles: some were pillared, tapered, votives, in jars, tea lights, scented and unscented. A single file row of candles glowed a path along the walls to Cuddy's bedroom. But to her right was a much brighter light source.

"House?"

House was sitting on top of a pale lime green cotton tablecloth with painted blossoms doubled over on the floor in her family room. He was wearing a heather grey T-shirt, dark grey boxer briefs and strummed a guitar while singing to the tune of George Michael's, _Faith._

"Well I guess it would be nice, if I could touch your body. I know not everybody, has got a bod…"

He stopped playing as Cuddy walked in.

"Damn. I thought you were Wilson. _That_ was for him, you know."

She laughed. "Ha, ha. Very funny." She pointed around the room. "House, what's all this?"

"Am I trying to hard?" He scratched the side of his head. "Too corny, huh?"

"No. I like it." She sat next to him on the tablecloth. "How did you get in here anyway?"

He waggled his eyebrows. "This isn't the first time you know I've ever entered your house without your permission."

"Okay. You're starting to freak me out a little."

"The case with Alfredo, your ex-handyman. Ring a bell?"

"Oh, right."

"Besides, I thought I would surprise you with a little dessert. I know how much you loved my special liqueur ice cream so I brought Alabama Slammer flavor." He held up a white container and smiled. "It's made with real Southern Comfort."

"Well, I'm not going to turn that down."

"Great." House pulled the lid off the ice cream and stuck a spoon in it. "By the way, how was dinner with your sister?"

"Let's talk not about her right now." She wrapped her arms around House.

He felt her back tighten up in their embrace. "Wow, she's really got you in knots. Lay down for a moment."

House reclined her flat on her back.

He got on his knees and slipped off her four-inch heel shoes, grasping her left foot first and rubbing the surface of it. Then he slid his grip toward her ankle.

Cuddy began to giggle. "House _what _are you doing?"

He didn't answer her. He just applied more pressure along the sides of her foot, rotating his thumbs in opposite directions.

"Never mind what I said!" She craned her neck back and moaned a little. "Keep doing _that_."

House lifted her leg in the air and rested it against his shoulder. He placed sensual kisses along her ankle up to her manicured toes and placed her big toe completely in his mouth, pulling it slowly in and out. He then sucked each digit in the same manner staring at her, watching her revel in his technique.

Cuddy had always admired House's hedonistic ways in bed. He was always about pleasuring her first above all his needs. She closed her eyes and arched her back as continued trailing tender kisses to the back of her knees. Low guttural moans escaped from her throat while her heart raced and her limbs quivered.

He pulled her up on her knees and knelt in front of her, grabbing the ice cream container adjacent to him. He swirled the spoon of ice cream in and around her mouth and then traced it along her mouth. The melted ice cream dripped down her chin, dribbling all over her breasts and on the tablecloth.

House dropped the spoon aside and began kissing her passionately with sticky hands tangled in her hair. He took his time lapping up whatever he could around her lips and down her neck.

Then he pushed her back down on the ground and removed her blouse and pencil skirt. He scooped another mound of ice cream and painted it across her chest. He grasped both breasts in his hands, blending the ice cream between them while whirling his tongue around her right nipple and lightly pinching the other one to a stiff peak.

More ice cream was emptied out of the container, brushed down her abdomen and deliciously devoured. A pool of melted ice cream swelled on her abdomen and spilled down her sides and around her pelvis. Small rivulets ran down her groin mingling with her juices.

House's head roamed around her body. He would lick up and down her inner thighs, mere inches away from her most sensitive spot, constantly teasing her. Then he would give attention to her breasts again, purposely driving her mad with anticipation and arousing her to the brink of pleasure. Her body trembled as he finally darted his tongue into her folds, performing a series of calisthenics—licking, flicking, lapping and sucking. His fingers shortly joined in on the fun, pleasuring her beyond recognition.

Cuddy's heart began to race and her breathing became erratic. Her core pulsed, radiated as her toes curled and legs shook even more so. She moaned loudly as House released all of her tension away. Waves of warmth and shear pleasure rippled throughout her body followed by an infinite number of twitches down there.

She laughed to herself and thought. _To think, of all the times I wanted him to shut his mouth_.

House tore his clothes off and positioned himself above Cuddy. He was about to enter her when she stopped him.

"Not so fast. I'm still hungry."

She grabbed the container and scooped a heaping spoon of ice cream and smeared the spoon vertically down the surface of his chest to his groin. Then shoved the spoon in and out of her mouth, savoring the rest of the dessert. Her tongue popped out a few times licking the front and back of the spoon.

She gazed into his eyes and sexily smiled. "My turn."

Cuddy pushed him down to the ground. She began pressing her tongue from his clavicle down to his groin all the while pressing her groin into his left thigh. She slowly rubbed while her tongue drank the sticky mess. The taste of him combined with the taste of ice cream was insatiable.

She firmly grasped his length in her hand and began to beat his meat, starting off slowly then gradually gripping it tighter, moving in swift motions. Her tongue found its way to the tip of his cock and swirled it about in all different directions. Eventually her mouth enveloped him—not completely of course—House was blessed, thick and long, relative to Kevin or to the average man for that matter. Her head bobbed up and down rhythmically as she sucked hard and rubbed her groin more vigorously against him.

Then her mouth retracted from his cock as she repositioned herself above him. "Fill her up."

House grinned. "God, I love it will you talk dirty."

After thrust upon thrust, he eventually did _fulfill_ her request.

They both remained lying down, smiling side by side in a blissful state on the floor.

Cuddy looked at House. "I'm starving."

House shook his head. "You want more? Right now?"

"No. Yes, but, not now. I'm really talking about food. Things didn't go well with Julia and I missed out on dinner."

"Hey, let me make you something." He got to his feet and heading off toward the kitchen bare-assed. "I'm quite the cook."

"We can just order some Chinese?" Cuddy picked up her cell.

It chimed in her hands.

She looked at it. It was a text. "It's Wilson. He says he's five minutes away and needs to talk."

"I knew he'd show up sooner or later. Go get dressed."

"Are we going somewhere?"

"No. I have devised a plan. Trust me. Wilson won't be bothering us anymore."

Eight minutes later, Wilson knocked on Cuddy's front door clutching one hand around the lapel of his tan trench coat, shielding the cold night air. "Cuddy. It's me."

She shortly answered the door wearing a long black robe and black leather boots. "Hello, Wilson. I was just thinking about you."

"You were?"

"Yeah, silly." She punched him a little hard in the arm. "As a matter of fact, I've been thinking about you _a lot_."

"Really?"

"Yes." Her voice got lower. "Having you been thinking about me too?"

Wilson looked down and noticed a whip in her hand.

Cuddy snapped it and then placed in around his neck, pulling him closer to her.

He was voice was shaky. "I…I…I…Is that a whip?"

"Is that a…" Wilson's trench coat opened. "Wilson. Are you wearing leather chaps?"

Wilson closed his jacket.

Cuddy called out to House. "Oh my God! House! You've got to come see this?"

"House?"

"Hey, Wilson!" House stepped out of the dining room and into the foyer wearing nothing but an apron. Drops of melted ice cream fell from small patches left pasted on his skin and onto the floor. He immediately looked at Cuddy not so much of throwing a glance at Wilson. "_He's wearing leather chaps_?"

Wilson folded his arms. "I am in the room, you know?"

House made a face at him. "Really? Leather chaps?"

"They're not!" Wilson spoke timidly, "They're leather pants."

"Let me see them."

"No."

"Come on, let me see them. I won't laugh." House attempted to open Wilson's coat.

He swatted his hands away. "No. I told you they're _just_ leather pants!"

"I don't believe you."

"Hey, get off me!"

House tried to completely remove the garment and succeeded with ease. "Okay, then what do you call these?"

Wilson was indeed wearing ass-less chaps.

"I don't get it! You're _the one_ who told me to ask her out!" He took a deep breath.

House laughed. "Yeah, like I was the one who told you to take her to that weird sex art exhibit about a year ago."

"I mixed up the dates. We were supposed to see a Hockney exhibit."

House made sure to stretch out the syllable. "Sure."

"Well, what about telling me about Cuddy's taste in men? Pleasure swings, leather cuffs and paddles?"

Cuddy chimed in. "Actually…" 

House grinned. "Really? We'll talk later about that."

He divided his attention back to Wilson. "Anyway, I never really said those were Cuddy's personal web searches. Remember, _I_ gave you her password."

"So, why set me up and go to all of this trouble when you're seeing Cuddy."

House slapped the back of Wilson's head. "Because you were trying to make a move on my girlfriend. And that's just wrong."

"Girlfriend?" Cuddy was beaming at House. "I like the sound of that."

House faced her completely revealing his backside to Wilson. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They closed their eyes and kissed each other longingly and lovingly.

House broke the kiss and looked for a moment into Cuddy's eyes and then at the front door. "Oh? You're still here?"

Wilson was standing in the doorway in a trance-like state, staring at House and Cuddy with a stupid grin on his face.

House slammed the door shut.

He chucked a finger behind him. "Can you believe that guy? Porn star. Now voyeur."

Cuddy's ears perked up. "Porn star?"

"Wilson would rather keep his past in the past, but he was in a skin flick called _Feral Pleasures._"

"What?" Cuddy's mouth twisted. "You're so full of shit."

"I wish I was. But the Forrest Nymphs have told me otherwise. Wilson will deny it if you ask him, but I have the movie to prove it."

She jabbed, "Oh, do you? Well, I can't wait to see it."

"Wait." House curiously gazed at her. "_You_ _want_ to watch porn _with me_?"

She bashfully nodded her head.

"That's so cool…_and so, so hot!"_

House enveloped Cuddy in his arms and tenderly kissed her.

She squirmed out of his arms. "Let's continue this in the bedroom." She pulled his arm behind her and stepped out into the foyer.

"But what about dinner?"

"Dinner can wait."


	23. Chapter 23

House sat in his office with his back to the door, resting his elbow on his desk and palm against the side of his face. His eyes were glued to his computer monitor as he scanned and scrolled about a dozen different websites. The contents of one particular site held his interest. A small smile formed on his face as he clicked his mouse a few times.

Shortly after, the printer began to output several sheets of paper. House retrieved the documents, briefly looked over them then stuck them in a blue folder. He was about to place said folder into his backpack when he noticed Wilson leaning against the doorframe of his office in his usual boring attire, striped tie and khaki slacks. He had a goofy grin and glint in his eye.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but today is Friday," House pointed at Wilson's chest, "isn't that your Thursday tie?"

Wilson ran his hand over his tie and arched his brow. "I'm living dangerously." His smile widened as he approached House. "So…you and Cuddy…

"Yep."

"How long have you been…you know…doing it?"

"Doing it? Really? What are you eight or something? Come back to me later when you're ready for an adult conversation."

"HA! This coming from the man who always acts like an immature child."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Very mature. Are you done?"

"Yeah." House laughed and hid the folder in his bag underneath his desk. He cleared his throat. "How long have you been standing there anyway?"

"Long enough to know that you're up to something again." Wilson sat down on one of the office chairs and drew out a long breath as soon as cheeks sank into the cushioned pad. "House, I'm done playing your games."

"Not everything is about you, Wilson."

"Oh. Sorry."

"However, in this circumstance it kind of does involve you in a manner of speaking."

"Oh? How do you mean?"

House reached in his pocket and grabbed his bottle of Vicodin. He popped a pill in his mouth then he got up from his chair and grabbed his cane. "Let's talk more privately in your office."

Wilson followed House out of his office and walked over to his down the hall. He rolled back his leather office chair and sat down behind his desk.

House plopped himself on the loveseat and bit his lip, trying to compose his thoughts. He turned away from Wilson and studied his wooden cane, examining every minute detail. His right hand caressed the handle and moved down toward the base. He smoothed over ridges and small indentations then raced back to the top going against the grain. He sighed and stared blankly off into space after setting it across his lap.

"Wilson, I think I'm falling for her."

"Your cane?"

House rolled his eyes. "No, not _her_. Cuddy."

"I know. It was a joke."

House gave him a look.

"What? My jokes aren't funny?"

"You said it. Not me."

Wilson tried to steer House back to the conversation about Cuddy. "Anyway, I think it's great that you're serious about wanting a committed relationship with Cuddy and you felt comfortable to come to me and to talk about it."

"I'm not comfortable talking this."

"Your biggest problem is opening up to people. I can help you."

"Does that line and a tube of lube, work with the ladies too?"

"Stop deflecting House!"

"Fine! Cuddy and I talked last night after you left her place." He took in a deep breath. "It was _the talk_. She wants to be with me…and with other people too."

"Ouch! I see your problem." He scratched his head. "And you need my advice?"

"No."

"I don't get it. How does _this_ involve me?"

"Cuddy wants you…"

"She's not interested in me?"

"She's more like interested in having a Manwich between her sideways sloppy joe."

"A what?"

"Ménage à trios." He spoke bluntly. "Cuddy…me…and you: The good, the bad and the ugly."

Wilson was about to speak.

House interrupted. "And yes, you'd be the ugly."

"You can't be serious?"

"Yes. Ugly."

"No, I meant about the threesome."

"At first, I thought she was joking. But apparently she's has this fantasy and has been wanting to fulfill it for quite some time."

"And it's not gay when it's a three way."

Wilson tried to keep a straight face.

They both started laughing hard.

"You saw the season finale of SNL with Justin Timberlake, huh? You didn't get me this time, House. I never believed you for one second."

"Well, that's a first."

Wilson crumbled up a blank piece of paper from his desk and threw it at House.

House raised his arms up in defense. "Hey, what was that for?"

"You're still an ass!"

Cuddy knocked a few times on the door and entered Wilson's office.

"Speaking of ass," House slapped Cuddy's behind as she closed the door, "here's an example of a magnificent piece of ass."

House!" Cuddy removed his hand off her right cheek.

He batted his eyes. "What? Was that too cheeky?"

She half smiled. "No. But we really shouldn't do that kind of stuff anymore at work. We wouldn't want to put ourselves in a hairy situation."

A small smile crept up on House's face as he stared at Cuddy up and down. "No, we wouldn't want that."

Wilson interrupted House's dirty thoughts. "She's right! I think it's important that you both try to control yourselves at work. You don't want to be the topic of water cooler conversation around here."

House huffed and folded his arms. "Fine."

Wilson scrunched his face and cleared his throat. "When you said…that you really shouldn't do that kind of stuff anymore at work…what did you mean? You guys didn't do it on my desk or anything, did you? I only say this because I noticed my stapler and name placard suspiciously rearranged the other day from their usual spots."

House and Cuddy looked at Wilson and simultaneously said, "Yes!"

He grimaced as they smugly left the room.

After the door closed behind them, House paused for a moment outside of Wilson's office door. "Wait for it," he told her.

A muffled "Eew!" was clearly heard.

House laughed and limped back to his office. "Man, he is so gullible."

Cuddy called after him. "Ahem. Where do you think you're going? You've got clinic."

"Don't you think I've earned my Get Out of Clinic Duty Card free card by now?"

She tilted her head to the side and tapped her heel. "House."

"Seriously, I can't go." He opened his stenciled glass door and stepped in. "I've got a case."

Cuddy followed after him. "No, you don't."

"Oh, but I do. Two of them and we're going to need them where were going."

"Huh?"

"Suit_cases_."

He walked over to his desk and handed her the blue folder from the inside of his backpack.

She immediately opened it and glanced over its contents. "What am I looking at?"

"Two tickets to paradise. Well, four actually. I booked us a flight for a few days in Spain followed by week in France."

He tried to read her face and gage her thoughts but Cuddy remained fairly silent after he sprung this upon her.

House rambled at a faster pace, unsuccessfully hiding his nervousness. "It was a spur of the moment thing. Anyway, we could both use some time away from this place. I mean when was the last time you took some time off?" He drew back a little. "I hope I'm not moving too fast. It's just that…"

Cuddy looked thumbed over the flight confirmation and came across another piece of paper with a picture printed on it. "Is that…"

"Mont Saint-Michel? Yes."

"I've always wanted to go there. How did you know?"

"Being the very observant person that I am, I've learned what things in your life—whether significant or trivial—matter to you. And contrary to what people may say or think about me, I really am whimsical and a true romantic."

Cuddy moved in closer to House and grasped is arms at the elbow. "Yes. I'm beginning to discover that."

House looked deep into Cuddy's eyes and licked his lips. "You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now."

She wickedly smiled, "Oh, I think I do."

"But, we're at work and…"

She cut him off mid-sentence and brushed her lips against his, kissing him sweetly.

"Wait a minute. What the _fuck _is going on?" Cameron did a double take and froze in her tracks as soon as she passed House's office.

"Where the hell have you been?" Kutner stood next to her and followed her gaze.

He smiled proudly.

"I had the flu and I've been in bed all week _puking my brains out_."

"I'm pretty sure they've been in bed all week _boffing their brains out_."

"Better than _blowing their brains out_." She smirked. "Sorry. I know cheap _shot_."

He sounded unimpressed. "Good one."

Cameron glanced back at House and Cuddy who were now radiantly smiling at each other like a couple in love.

"This isn't happening. This can't be happening!"

Kutner grabbed the lapels of his lab coat and shook his head. "Face it. You'll _never _be House's Cuddy buddy."

She gritted her teeth. "Over _my_ dead body!"

Kutner rolled his eyes. "Here we go again."

"Allison? Who are you are talking to?" Chase approached Cameron with raised brows.

She turned around to face him realizing Kutner had vanished.

"No one. I was just thinking out loud." She cleared her throat and hoped he wouldn't see through her anger. "Hey, can I ask you something? How long have House and Cuddy been seeing each other?"

"House and Cuddy?" Chase laughed hysterically. "Are you kidding? House would _do Wilson _before he would _do Cuddy_."

"No, I saw them." She raised her voice a little. "Kissing!"

"Kissing ass maybe. You probably misinterpreted the whole thing and witnessed House buttering up to the boss. I swear he'll do anything to get out of clinic." He looked back at House and Cuddy. "Besides, I don't even think they like each other. I mean, they're always yelling and fighting." Chase turned back to Cameron and lowered his head. "Anyway, I thought you said you were over House."

She held up his chin. "I told you I was."

He weakly smiled. "Okay then. We're still on for dinner tonight?"

"Of course." Cameron looked at her wristwatch. "I've got to go back to the ER."

She walked down to the elevator bank and called for the elevator.

Chase stood beside her moments later.

Cameron shook her head. "Ugh, the elevators have been slow all day. I think I'm going to just take the stairs."

She opened the stairwell door and ducked around the corner, completely out of Chase's sight and stealthily scaled the wall back to the exit door. She peered out the small rectangular window within the door and watched as he entered the elevator.

As soon as the coast was clear, Cameron wandered back to House's office. She stalked them from a distance watching their every move in the corridor. She puffed out her chest glaring and snarling at the two of them openly flirting through the glass walls of his office. Her fists clenched as bad blood coursed through her veins.

"Over my dead body," she growled.

_A/N: Ends on a cliffhanger? Don't worry. A sequel to Southern Comfort is set to follow-that is if you folks are still interested in this story. I'd some feedback!_


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